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an everyday life

Tag Archives: Grief

A Winning Combination

29 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by Janell in In the Kitchen, Life at Home

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Death, Entertaining, Everyday Life, Grief, In the Kitchen, Re-Baked Potatoes, Red Swiss Steak

No matter how it’s done, a meal followed by a game is a winning combination.

Tonight, while my husband and brother-in-law dined out before going to the Thunder game, Kyle and I did it our own way– by taking advantage of my husband’s absence to enjoy a meal my husband doesn’t like:  Red Swiss Steak, Re-baked Potatoes and Cream-style Corn.  And tonight I lucked out.  Because the potatoes turned out nice and creamy when usually I struggle to make them as good as Mom’s.

Kyle and I were lucky in other ways too, since we shared our meal with Bryan and Amy, who ended up bringing along Amy’s new board game to play after dinner.  We had so much fun — one minute eating good food around the table, the next wiping it clean to set up Amy’s game.

It made me wonder how many times my children ate this same meal at Mom’s —  followed by a game.  Too many to count.  Though usually the game was some sort of card game — the favorites being either Ten-To-One or Nasty Canasta, depending on how many card-players there were.

Life without Mom does get easier, though it doesn’t happen sequentially.  Because there are times — like this week —  when I really wish she could have been here to tell me “things were going to be all right.”   And maybe it was this desire  — to tell myself that “things” were going to be all right — that actually inspired tonight’s menu.

We take comfort where and how we can — and tonight, I took mine in Mom’s tried and true combination of Red Swiss Steak and Re-baked Potatoes.

Miss you Mom.

Red Swiss Steak

Feeds 4 to 8  Preparation time 20 minutes/Oven time 90 minutes

2 lbs cubed round steak
2 Tbs cooking oil
1/2 cup flour
1 onion sliced thin (microwaved 70 seconds on high to soften)
1 12-oz can tomato paste
2 cups water
2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper

Preheat oven to 350.  Heat oil in skillet over medium heat; flour and brown steak on both sides.  Cook onions in microwave and mix remaining ingredients for sauce.  In a greased casserole dish with a lid, add a half cup of sauce, half the meat, all the onions topped with another half cup of sauce, followed by the remaining meat and sauce.  Cover and bake.

Re-Baked Potatoes

Serves 6 to 8  Preparation time:  15 minutes/ Cooking time:  1.5 hours

4 baking-size potatoes
1 Tbsp olive oil
6 Tbsp butter, softened
4 oz cream cheese, softened (I use the kind with chives)
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
1/2 to 1 cup grated cheddar cheese
Salt and pepper (begin with 1 tsp of salt & 1/4 tsp pepper, then adjust to taste)

To Bake: Preheat oven to 425.  Wash and dry potatoes.  Pierce with fork, three times on each side and coat with olive oil.  Place in pre-heated oven (without foil) and bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes — or until potatoes are tender when pinched (using a potholder).  Remove from oven and cool for 5 minutes.

To Re-bake: Slice potatoes horizontally into two even portions.  Scoop potato into a large bowl filled with  butter, cream cheese and sour cream.  Place empty potato jackets onto a foil-lined baking pan.   Add milk, salt and pepper and mix with an electric beater, until smooth and creamy, having the consistency of mashed potatoes.  Add more milk if necessary.  Adjust seasonings.  Then scoop potato filling back into jackets and top with cheese.  Return to oven for final baking — 10 minutes at 350 or until cheese is melted.

Preparation Note:  These can be made in advance up to the point of re-baking — though if the potatoes are cool, the re-bake will take longer — up to 20 minutes.

Here I Am

29 Friday Oct 2010

Posted by Janell in Home Restoration, Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care, The Great Outdoors, Writing

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Death, Everyday Life, Grief, Soul Care, Writing

How is it that none of the month’s joys or sorrow have anchored the days?

So much has happened.  Engagement announcements, baby showers, my 55th birthday and last week’s unexpected short getaway to San Antonio.  And then there have been all the many mini-dramas and comedies which fill everyday life.  And though I touch upon it all in my off-line journal, it’s only here that I really work to get underneath the surface events — to explore and name my deepest feelings of the moment.

So its unfortunate (for me) that I have not written here this month.  Mostly, I have been uninspired to write here.  In part, the thought of trying to write beautiful sentences has exhausted me.  And if I’m being honest, maybe I just wanted to have a good pout — what my younger sister likes to call, the Pappas Pout —  where one goes off to sulk alone in a bedroom, after slamming a few doors to ensure everyone and the neighbors too, know that you’re mad and sad.

But today, as I sat in my favorite living room chair after writing three morning pages, I began to think that maybe I should just sit down and write a few lines of everyday sentences in my blog  — and not worry over making them their Sunday Best.

So.  Here I am.  And just writing these three little words — here I am — reminds me that the prophet Isaiah also spoke these words to God before God set his charred lips loose to say a few words on His behalf.

So what is it that causes me to sulk rather than write?  I can only point to my Aunt Jo’s death.  It doesn’t help to tell myself that she’s in a better place.  And all of this is mixed up with my own mortality, of course, as that older generation ahead of me falls one by one, like a row of dominoes, each one falling closer and closer to me.

But yesterday, I realized that this particular vintage of my favorite month is almost used up.  And on the most important level — the one which has me taking notice of glimpses of Reality —  the month has unfolded its goodness and truth and beauty without my notice.

I am sorry to have missed out on the the miracle of cool crisp nights and lovely fall foliage and the particular way the autumn sun causes my living room to glow and shimmer for a few minutes each October day.

This weekend, I will be in the cool sunshine days dipping a paintbrush into a bucket of paint at my sister’s house.  The plan is to finish what she and I began last April —  the restoration of her homestead inheritance.  And knowing myself as I do, knowing that I grieve best with a paintbrush in my hand, my plan is to finish with this grieving of Aunt Jo’s death.  Because I don’t wish to miss out on the deepest and best part of everyday life.

October, here I am.

A Whale of a Good Time

06 Sunday Jun 2010

Posted by Janell in Home Restoration, Life at Home

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Everyday Life, Grief, Home Restoration

While Sis was off watching whales in Alaska, I kept watch over her home renovation project.

If you were to ask, I’d say I had the better deal… for rarely does my vacation reality measure up to my vacation dreams.  Couple this with the downsides of the vacation experience — like how exhausting travel can be, how expensive vacations are, how vacations never seem quite long enough — and maybe it explains why I believe the best part of any trip is coming home.

So while watching whales and soaking up gorgeous landscapes had to be amazing, I was perfectly content to park myself at my family’s long-held homestead.  In fact, in coming to terms with life without Daddy, there is no place I’d rather be than at my sister’s house, which in a previous life, served as my parent’s home.  Spending time there allows me to remember past times with gladness.  And as we give this old place a new lease on life, it helps me say goodbye to what is gone as it prepares my heart and mind for the new life to come.

Sometimes I wonder if restoring unloved homes and gardens isn’t my true calling.  Because while I’m “on the clock”, time slips away into nothing.  With paintbrush in hand, while concentrating on painting clean, crisp lines, I too have been on vacation from everyday life.

As “our” carpenter said the other day, we are now experiencing the satisfying part of the renovation.   No longer are we tearing down; instead, we are creating and refinishing.  Bit by bit, this “house that Jack built” is losing its former identity and taking on a fresh, new identity.

Along the way, we’ve addressed function as well as beauty.  We’ve run new electrical wiring to address old problems and add a little glamor here and there.  For example, now centered on the antique claw foot tub — which awaits its turn in the beauty chair —  is a sweet little chandelier in my sister’s main bathroom.  Another chandelier has been installed over what will be a kitchen island.  And on the functional side of the equation, we’ve added electrical outlets in both areas — can you imagine a bathroom without an operating electrical outlet?  — and made the house cable-ready for 21st century electronics.

Though we’ve much to do before we can rest on our laurels, it’s good to share that the kitchen is mostly finished —  three days of solid painting remains.  Significant work has already transformed both bathrooms — both feature new sinks and counter tops.

Wonder of wonders, for the first time ever, the new shower in the master bathroom is plumb to the walls.  While making this miracle happen, the  carpenter wondered how the  previous shower door had ever shut.  No use wondering I told him:  The door hadn’t shut in years.  Not to be outdone in the wondering department, the plumber asked if we knew that the old shower was draining to the crawl space under my sister’s house, rather than safely exiting the house through the intended drain.  Well… no, I told him.

To learn of the few inches of standing water sitting underneath my sister’s house, along with news from “down under” of dripping HVAC ducts in need of insulation were surprises of the worst sort.  But in a renovation project, the only true surprise would be one that held no surprises.

The scariest part of the entire project is not dealing with the surprises.  Somehow, these will be made right in the end.  No, what disturbs me is that the end (at least on the interior) is almost here.  With less than two weeks before the floor refinishers arrive — and a good three weeks of hard work remaining — it’s my turn to wonder at what needs to give.  It’s time to set priorities and not get sidetracked, as I am so apt to do.

I know that somehow, everything will come together.  It always does.  And in the meantime, can I say how amazing it all looks?  I hope Sis will be pleased with all the changes the week has brought.

In my book, pleasing Sis is better than watching whales in a gorgeous setting.  And though I never once “wished she was here”, I am so very glad she’s back home.

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