The Back Door’s Open

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This morning’s rain descended without warning, slipping in under our radar and through the back door.  Yet, my unexpected guest was most welcomed; in spite of the early wake up call she left tapping against my window pane.DSC01645a        

I was glad for a morning to be lazy, to have no where I needed to be.  Tucked into my favorite chair with a fresh cup of coffee, I enjoyed that  rare pleasure of hosting a beloved drop-in guest.  But it made me wonder:  Does anyone these days experience the joy of surprise visits from friends or family?

Here in Mesta Park, my only unexpected callers are the occasional Girl Scout with cookies and the  more faithful Jehovah’s Witness who canvas our tree-lined neighborhood in hope of finding a few lost souls;  both seem content to receive my meager crumbs of hospitality from the welcome mat that rests just beyond the front door.  

I can’t recall when I last received a surprise visit from a good friend or family member.  Even my four children don’t just drop in as the school of hard-knocks has taught them to call before they knock.  Instead, they “let their fingers do the walking” with their cell phone compass  in hand.   “Where are you?”, they ask.  And before I respond, I immediately think, “Where’s Waldo?”  These days, Waldo’s often in Seminole visiting Daddy, or at the County Extension office playing plant detective or since June, practicing the art of spiritual direction wherever the Spirit leads me. In other words, I’ve taken my homebody-ness on the road for some good old-fashioned visits.  DSC01662a       

The heart of a visit is listening.  And to listen well, I create space by temporarily putting my own life on the back burner.   But no matter where I am physically, I strive to be at  home in spirit by being true to who I am.   I’m less of a front-door guest and more like those back-door guests that so often called upon my granny.  These special people never put on airs but simply made themselves at home, often rolling up their sleeves to work along side their host to help with simple meal preparation or find their own source of refreshment.   

This morning’s rain was a perfect example of a wonderful back door guest.  As if my burden were her own, the rain settled in and deep watered every square inch of my gardens, leaving behind the fresh scent of heavenly rain water.  Meanwhile, sitting in my comfy chair, I deep listened to the sounds of raindrops working.  And just like the garden, my spirit was nourished, cleansed by the rain’s soothing sounds, a rhythm of soft humming piddles and pings.    

DSC01632aMy own grandmother really knew how to welcome a back door guest.  No appointments were necessary; No knock was required.  The guest just shouted out a greeting before letting themselves in.  Granny always made everyone feel welcomed, as if they were her most important of priorities.  And while there, they were.  Whatever she had been doing — watching a little television or working a crossword puzzle–were simply put aside in favor of a nice cozy chat.    

These memories of my granny stir up my own desire to become something like her.  On some rainy day in the future.  When all I want to do is stay home.  And then I pray:  Let the guests descend!   Without advance warning.  Even a few raindrops will do.  As long as they remember to enter in through the back door like today’s unexpected guest.   

It’s Meatloaf Tonight

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When life gets uncomfortable, I crave comfort food.

I want what I can make from fresh ingredients with my own two hands.  Nothing fancy, but stuff like scalloped potatoes and macaroni and cheese, that with one taste, will carry me back to simpler times when I had nothing more taxing on my plate than attending elementary school followed by a little piano practice (note the emphasis on little) and a lot of playing outside.  With our scalloped potatoes this evening, we’re having two sides:  Meatloaf  and a little saute of fresh summer squash, compliments of a mysterious but generous home gardener that my Aunt Jo knows.

It’s funny to think that I associate meatloaf with the carefree days of childhood when my mother never made meatloaf.  At least with any measure of success.  And though she tried, she was never encouraged in that department because my Yankee Daddy could barely tolerate the stuff.  Daddy also discriminated against Mom’s fried chicken and I know for a fact that Mother’s fried chicken was wonderful.  In fact, everything Mom cooked was great, because she came from a long and wide line of great cooks who believed in the importance of scratch-cooking.

Mom’s story on her rendition of tasteless meatloaf went something like this:  In the days of early marriage, her meatloaf had been good.  But then she began to change up her recipe a bit in hopes of pleasing my father’s taste buds.  I do vaguely remember a couple of Mom’s experiments–like the one that was covered in mushroom sauce instead of tomato-based sauce and the one that cooked with cheddar cheese in the middle, which I guess was sort of like Meatloaf Kiev.  Ultimately, all the experiments fell short of pleasing Dad; so Mom gave up trying.  Then, for years, every time the subject was raised, she’d pass the buck for her barely passable meatloaf onto Dad’s tasteless palate.

So, unlike many, I don’t cook my mother’s meatloaf because she never successfully conjured one up.  But I didn’t venture too far from home; my recipe, which cooks in a home-made barbecue sauce, comes out of the kitchens of Mom’s two sisters.  Both Aunt Jane and Aunt Jo have made this meatloaf recipe for more years than I can count, especially given that I’ve made the recipe on my own for over thirty years now.  I’m not sure who found the recipe first.  If you get them alone, I think they both claim it.  (You know how it is with any good recipe or success story.  Just as my dad knows only too well how it is with any story of failure.)   And if you feel the need to experiment like Mom did, go right ahead; add some cheese in the middle, or even some chopped jalapenos or bell peppers.

Just don’t serve it to discriminating palates.   

Auntie’s Meatloaf

Preheat oven to 325.  Cook for 1.5 hours.  Baste last hour.

Mix and form into loaf shape.  Place into a greased casserole dish:

2 lbs lean ground beef
1.5  tsp salt
.25 tsp pepper
1/2 cup minced onion
1 egg
1/4 can tomato sauce (15 oz size)
1 cup of oats (or bread crumbs, if you prefer)
Cover with home-made barbeque sauce:
3/4 can tomato sauce (15 oz size)
1/2 cup of water
6 T. vinegar
6 T. brown sugar
3 tsp prepared mustard
2 T. Worcestershire sauce

Slumber Smiles

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From the moment I walked out of my father’s nursing home room late this afternoon, I’ve been wondering about death.  Like…when it will come for Daddy?  And what will the nearness of death look like on my father’s face?  And most of all:  Is Daddy’s end near?

But it wasn’t until my husband and I were on the way home from a quick supper that I finally gave birth to my question.

“What does the end of life look like?”  

Asking questions is my way of searching for facets of truth when answers are unapparent.  And as is my wont to do, before my husband could think through his own answer, I began shaping one of my own:      

“I’m wondering if the end of life looks like the beginning of life.  When I think back on those days of new babies and then compare those memories to Daddy’s life now, I see that both ends are consumed with the business of sleep.  Most comes from short little cat naps.  Easily disturbed; yet so easy to drift back to sleep.  And as our “endsters” are busy with their slumbers, the world carries on without them, though they care not about our doings; they are faithful souls who live below the radar of managing the daily ins and outs of their own welfare; it is left to us to make the best decisions we can on their behalf.  Even as they sleep away their life, we cock one ear to catch their next breath and instead find ourselves listening to those sweet and sometimes odd little sleeping noises that come unwittingly out of their mouths.  And before we can wonder whether everything is okay, they’ve unknowingly answered our question by settling back to normal sleep.”

What do baby’s smile at in their sleep?  I love Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s take on this:

“I, writing thus, am still what men call young;
I have not so far left the coasts of life
To travel inland, that I cannot hear
That murmur of the outer Infinite
Which unweaned babies smile at in their sleep
When wondered at for smiling…”

I haven’t yet noticed Daddy smiling while he sleeps.  But maybe that will come, as Daddy crawls toward “that murmur of the outer Infinite.”