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an everyday life

an everyday life

Category Archives: Prayer

Carrying the Load

25 Thursday Nov 2010

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Prayer

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Entertaining, Everyday Life, Prayer

Granny’s dressing sits on the kitchen counter ready to pop into the oven while a double batch of her egg noodles sit tight in the freezer.

With such a busy week, I give thanks they are ready to cook, even THOUGH it took til yesterday afternoon to come together.  With only a corn casserole still to mix, I’ll soon be traveling east, carrying my trinity of gifts for today’s Thanksgiving table.

My sister Christi is hosting at her renovated farmhouse — the one that sits on Granny and Granddad’s homestead.   I asked if she’d like to a few months back — I wasn’t surprise she said yes.  Christi is so darn proud of her home.  And it gives her joy to share it with others.  And isn’t this how it should always and everywhere be? Not just with our gifts — like with our particular knack for making certain foods just right — but with our homes and most of all ourselves?

As I gather with a litany of family:  my husband and two of my children — Kyle and Kate — Kate’s husband, my grandchildren, sister, sister-in-law, nieces and aunt and uncle, I think of other Thanksgiving tables and the faces gathered there.  My daughter Kara will sit at a table filled with in-laws while son Bryan is celebrating for the first-time with future in-laws at a borrowed table in Eureka Springs.  And what do you know, but that this year my amazing brother Jon is in Dallas, dining with a new girlfriend and her family.

Then I think of family further afield — like Aunt Carol, hosting her children and many grandchildren at her Utah home.  And my new found second cousins even further east:  in Vermont — John, George and Olga — in New York  — Judy, Rainey and Helen — and in Florida — Butch.

I pray blessings on all these many tables.  But especially those trying to fill the gap of lost love and Thanksgiving table gifts.  As I write, my love embraces Aunt Jo’s family, who somewhere a little further east of Sis’s house, will be gathering for the first time without Aunt Jo and her lovely pecan and pumpkin pies and her own particular version of Granny’s dressing and noodles.

And how can I not think of family even further afield, the love I no longer see but in some mysterious way, carry alive within me? Mom, Dad, Papa, Uncle Sonny, Aunt Jo, Granny and Granddad — even now, I sense all is well with you — and until I gather with you, I’ll do my best to carry your love forward.

Here I Am

29 Friday Oct 2010

Posted by Janell in Home Restoration, Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care, The Great Outdoors, Writing

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Death, Everyday Life, Grief, Soul Care, Writing

How is it that none of the month’s joys or sorrow have anchored the days?

So much has happened.  Engagement announcements, baby showers, my 55th birthday and last week’s unexpected short getaway to San Antonio.  And then there have been all the many mini-dramas and comedies which fill everyday life.  And though I touch upon it all in my off-line journal, it’s only here that I really work to get underneath the surface events — to explore and name my deepest feelings of the moment.

So its unfortunate (for me) that I have not written here this month.  Mostly, I have been uninspired to write here.  In part, the thought of trying to write beautiful sentences has exhausted me.  And if I’m being honest, maybe I just wanted to have a good pout — what my younger sister likes to call, the Pappas Pout —  where one goes off to sulk alone in a bedroom, after slamming a few doors to ensure everyone and the neighbors too, know that you’re mad and sad.

But today, as I sat in my favorite living room chair after writing three morning pages, I began to think that maybe I should just sit down and write a few lines of everyday sentences in my blog  — and not worry over making them their Sunday Best.

So.  Here I am.  And just writing these three little words — here I am — reminds me that the prophet Isaiah also spoke these words to God before God set his charred lips loose to say a few words on His behalf.

So what is it that causes me to sulk rather than write?  I can only point to my Aunt Jo’s death.  It doesn’t help to tell myself that she’s in a better place.  And all of this is mixed up with my own mortality, of course, as that older generation ahead of me falls one by one, like a row of dominoes, each one falling closer and closer to me.

But yesterday, I realized that this particular vintage of my favorite month is almost used up.  And on the most important level — the one which has me taking notice of glimpses of Reality —  the month has unfolded its goodness and truth and beauty without my notice.

I am sorry to have missed out on the the miracle of cool crisp nights and lovely fall foliage and the particular way the autumn sun causes my living room to glow and shimmer for a few minutes each October day.

This weekend, I will be in the cool sunshine days dipping a paintbrush into a bucket of paint at my sister’s house.  The plan is to finish what she and I began last April —  the restoration of her homestead inheritance.  And knowing myself as I do, knowing that I grieve best with a paintbrush in my hand, my plan is to finish with this grieving of Aunt Jo’s death.  Because I don’t wish to miss out on the deepest and best part of everyday life.

October, here I am.

Slices of Toast and Family

07 Thursday Oct 2010

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Prayer, Writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Childhood Memories, Everyday Life, Prayer, Writing

It felt good to sink into everyday life this morning.

With a beautiful candle lit, a cup of coffee nearby and three snoozing canines around me and my favorite chair, I picked up pencil and journal to write.  These days my journal is filled with short stories of ancestors — some told me by aunts and uncles, while others come from reading old newspaper articles.   At yesterday’s funeral, I invited my mother’s oldest brother to recount tales of his youth and memories of his grandparents; he seemed glad to share that which he could still recall.  Uncle Bob’s stories now fill two pages of my journal.

Having lunch with Aunt Jo — whose funeral we gathered at yesterday — has been hovering at the top of my list since Daddy died.  Just three weeks ago I told her, “I want to get together for lunch with you real soon.”    Unfortunately, I didn’t make it happen; and now the opportunity is gone.   But I’m grateful for the scraps of stories she spoke of Sunday evening, and those, of course, take up a page and a half of my journal.

All this gathering of family history has me realizing —  family is more than sharing common bloodlines.  Two weeks ago, I picked up the phone to talk to a second cousin who I didn’t know existed until running across him in research.  My Greek grandfather’s younger sister, Anna — who died three days after my father was born — left three children.  Neither my father nor grandfather ever mentioned them — but it certainly helps explain those trips my young parents took to Vermont, during their early days of marriage.

Amazingly, all three second cousins — born in the mid-1920s — are still alive.   I called the youngest one, John, who is now 85.  Once John recovered from his surprise, he invited me to send up a copy of my research, with a promise to answer whatever questions he could.   I’m still working on the package I promised to send him — hopefully, it will be gone by week’s end.

After finishing today’s morning pages, I made a slice of toast.   The smell of toast always reminds me of grandparents — either my Greek grandfather or my maternal grandmother.  Today it was both.

As far as I know, Granny always had a piece of toast covered with jelly for breakfast.  ‘Toast and Jell,” she called it.   As a young school girl, it was what I often had myself — not because it was my favorite — but because it’s what my Greek grandfather could make me in a hurry before school.  The toast was always burnt around the edges but generous with butter.  Real butter not margarine —  so the bread was always a little smushed from Papa’s effort to spread cold butter over it.  Papa always served it to me with a cup of strong black coffee.  Greek-style, I suppose.

I don’t know if my new-found cousins from Vermont grew up with toast for breakfast or not.  And if they did, whether it was burnt around the edges or covered with jelly.  And it’s not important for me to know — it certainly won’t make my list of questions that my second cousin John so graciously offered to answer.  But possessing these unimportant facts is something one just owns about family.  And this morning, when my teeth crunched into a bit of crispy slightly black around the edges toast, slathered with soft yogurt margarine but no jell, I remembered my grandparents.  And gave thanks.

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