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an everyday life

Tag Archives: Writing

Breakfast for One

03 Sunday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Good Reads, Life at Home

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Cooking, Dining Etiquette, Dog Tales, Everyday Life, Writing

It’s Sunday morning and a little drippy outside.  Our day at the zoo has been cancelled – even if our party hadn’t minded getting wet, I imagine most of the animals would be hiding under the driest shelter they could find.  Even ‘wild’ beasts know enough to come in out of the rain.

So with no part of a picnic lunch to prepare, I set about to make breakfast for one – just my old standby pancakes and sausage.  There is an everyday comfort in hearing the sound of pots and pans coming out of hiding and the first sizzle of butter melting in the pan.  When my husband’s home, he generally puts aside his newspaper just long enough for us to converse over breakfast.  And while I’m not above talking to myself – in fact, I’m quite accomplished in this art through many years of practice – this morning I opted to open a used book I’d recently purchased from Langhorne’s Antiques:  Savory Suppers, Fashionable Feasts.

The book records the dining habits of Victorian America, and knowing very little about the subject, I now know three pages more.  I’ve learned that ‘three square meals a day” is a twentieth century invention, and that people once got by on only two meals – a late breakfast and a light early supper.  Maybe less food for thought would be a return to a healthier America?

The book describes in detail, the everyday rules that made for good manners at the dining table.   And back in the time of my granny’s mother, America was interested in knowing and observing these rules, as noted by the author,

“Etiquette books by the dozen were written by both men and women in the nineteenth century.” ….The importance of ‘good breeding’ at the dinner table was compounded by two facts that most Americans readily recognized.  Eating, they acknowledged, was a most basic function, common to both man and animal.  Only manners could separate man from beast in the act of consuming food and drink.” 

I don’t know what the zoo animals would have to say about this, but I know the two tame beasts I live with observe their own form of mealtime etiquette.  Without fail, both begin their meal from their own food bowls, and then sometime mid-course, by apparent agreement, they switch and sample the other’s food.  They may or may not switch back.  Max almost always finishes first, as Maddie is by far the daintier eater.  And without the benefit of an etiquette book to teach him, Max has learned from the school of hard barks that it’s best not to breathe down Maddie’s neck while she’s still eating.  But once Maddie has consumed her fill, Max knows he can then move in for the kill and finish up Maddie’s leftovers.  These doggie rules of mealtime etiquette are observed three times a day. 

But what about breakfast, I wondered.  With the books detailed index, I found and consumed this bit of wisdom rather quickly:

 “At this first meal of the day a certain amount of freedom is allowed which would be unjustifiable at any other time…” 

Here, I see that reading the newspaper, correspondence and even a book is all okay.  But what about that bit of fluffy pancake I just fed to Max and Maddie that they took so carefully from my hand?  The book breathes absolutely no word of advice.

I guess there are just some mealtime situations where its every beast for himself.   But I’m pretty sure I know what Granny would say…

Hope Chests

01 Friday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Good Reads, Life at Home

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Aging, Death, Eudora Welty, Everyday Life, Home Health Care, Parents, Writing

I’ve been thinking a little about hope chests after reading a short story of Eudora Welty’s last night, titled Lily Daw and the Three Ladies.

Lily is a simple-minded character, not only in the sense that she is unwise in the ways of the world, but in the sense that she’s not ‘all there’. There’s just something ‘not quite right’ about Lily, and while Lily doesn’t seem to know or care about her shortcomings, the entire small Southern town in which she lives does everything it can to protect Lily from the world and from herself.

Especially the ‘three ladies’ who’ve made plans for Lily’s life—and though it’s not said in so many words, it appears they plan to send Lily to some kind of institution, the kind of place that takes care of those unable to care for themselves. And when they discover that Lily is planning to marry some traveling man who they just know has taken advantage of poor Lily’s innocence, who they just know has fed poor Lily a line about marriage to have his way with her, they take off in a conniption fit to save poor Lily from herself.  Like three cruise missiles built in the name of protection, I wondered if Lily’s three protectors wouldn’t instead inflict destruction on their path of salvation.  It takes some convincing to get Lily to finally abandon her own plans to go along with the plan of her three defenders, but go along she does.  With one condition — that her hope chest goes with her.

Well…you’ll just have to read the short story for yourself to find out how it all ends.  But its easy to see why Eudora Welty was considered a master of the short story, with all the lovely and true nuances of everyday life she’s able to pack into eight short pages.  I went to sleep thinking about hope chests.  And woke up remembering my own that I began as a young teenager.  Thinking of my own two daughters, I wonder if  this tradition of young girls sitting aside treasured pieces for a future hasn’t  just shriveled up and died.  But then possessing hope for a good future goes hand in hand with those who are young and have no reason to believe any different, even without a chest.

So then I turned to those who are no longer young, like my daddy, with his own set of launched cruise missiles that call themselves ‘home health.’  With Daddy banging himself up from his many falls, home health has recommended we put Dad into a nursing home.  My sister and I know ‘they’ have the best of intentions, and that maybe these words have to be said  to avoid later threats of medical malpractice, but Daddy would shrivel up and die quicker in a nursing home than if left to his unsafe self in his unsafe home.   

Nursing homes may be safe – more or less– but they’re also sterilized of all hope.   Both my granny and papa died in a nursing home within their first month of calling it home and we’ve no reason to believe it would be any different with Dad.  After all, what sounds good in theory and in intention doesn’t always prove itself  true when it comes to everyday practice and reality.

Even simple-minded Lily knew she couldn’t let go of her hope chest.  And by ignoring the dooms day threats from all the cruise missiles flying around us and Daddy, maybe my sister and I are just tying to offer Daddy a bunker filled with hope and a future.   At least for now, while we can.

I think I’ll keep Eudora’s collection of short stories on my nightstand.   Who knows but that The Collected Stores of Eudora Welty aren’t a treasure chest in their own right.

Birthdays

29 Wednesday Apr 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Writing

My daughter Kara was born at 3:12 a.m., twenty-seven years ago today.  Kate and Bryan were in the early morning arrival club as well– Kate came at 1:28 a.m. and Bryan at 5:12 a.m.  But from the moment of his birth, Kyle has always marched to the beat of a different drum.    

 

Kyle was born sometime around 3:30 in the afternoon.  The exact time is not embedded in my mind, mostly due to the numbing power of anesthesia, which kept me in a place safely removed from time and pain.  My first three were delivered without benefit of drugs, so I was very conscious of time, from the timing of contractions to breathing to watching the clock and wondering why time seemed to drag.  But with Kyle I knew no time or pain–just pure undiluted joy.       

 

Joy and truth came into my life with the help of a little anesthesia last summer, when Kara waited for me to have a routine medical procedure that those over the age of fifty are advised to do.  As the anesthesia was wearing off, I entertained Kara with some silly dialogue, which she enjoyed sharing with me the next day.  But according to Kara, before uttering any words, I simply gazed at her face for a full ten seconds.  

 

 “It’s so good to see your face.  I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

“Wasn’t she pretty?”

“Who?”

“My doctor.”

“Yes.  She is.”

“What are you sewing on?”

“I wasn’t sewing.  I was reading.”

“Oh, I think I’m remembering Mom sewing, when I woke from anesthesia after having my wisdom teeth out.”

 “I’m hungry.  She said I could have a big breakfast afterwards.”

“You want me to take you out for breakfast.  Wouldn’t you rather me pick it up and bring it to you.”

“No.”  “I’m thirsty.”

Speaking to the nurse, “Can she have some water?” 

Then to me, “All you can have is some ice.” 

“Ummm,” in response to receiving a piece of ice.

“Does it taste good?”

“Ummm.”

 

I thought about this experience– both my silliness and the naked innocence it revealed– for several months before talking with anyone about it.  But when it came time to talk, I chose to discuss it with my spiritual director, because he’s good at helping me sift for truth and in his former life as a orthopedic surgeon, I thought he might have some insights between truth-telling and anesthesia.

 

I admitted to Curt that I’ve never felt closer to my truest self as when coming out of anesthesia; I had no self-consciousness; I was so comfortable in my own skin that there was no shadow of a false self to trip over.  I spoke unfiltered truth, with no thought of trying to please the listener or to make myself look good.  I was simply a human being at its most human; if I was hungry, I talked about it.  If I was thirsty, I let my need be known.  None of this, “Oh, don’t worry about me.  I can wait.”  “Or, I don’t want to put you to any trouble,” nonsense.  No, it was almost as if the anesthesia had made me forget the need to remake myself into what I was not. Time and the pain of many behavior correcting lessons fell away, leaving me once again as honest as a young child, expressing the truth of basic needs without a need of societal filters.

 

By sharing my childlike silliness with me, Kara unknowingly launched me on a search where I have worked to uncover my truest self.  She gave birth to this search as surely as I give birth to her twenty-seven years ago.  And I have been deeply enriched by both births. 

 

Happy birthday, Kara Liz.  

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