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an everyday life

an everyday life

Tag Archives: Writing

Moon Sayings

20 Monday Jul 2009

Posted by Janell in Far Away Places, Life at Home

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1969, Everyday Life, Moon Landing, Writing

Does it seem like forty years ago today that man first landed on the moon? 

In spite of the passage of time, I still feel like that same girl I’ve always been, though admittedly forty years of life has toughened and hopefully wizened me up a bit.  I don’t bother trying to hide that I’m a little gray around the edges;  why pretend to be younger than I am or something that I’m not?  I’m getting old and my gray hair reminds me that I’m older today than my parents were then.  And with hindsight and my perch forty years into the future, I now see that my parents were not so very old or uncool after all.  Like most middle-age, middle-class parents of the sixties, mine were simply doing their best to raise three normal children with traditional values, against an out-of-sync landscape of ‘hippies’ and happenings like Woodstock and movies like Rosemary’s Baby and Midnight Cowboy. 

Yet as man was first landing on the moon, my then not-so-old, not-so-cool parents were trying to land a parking spot in mid-town Manhattan, in order to string together a few unforgettable memories for themselves and their young family.  Much flimsier than moon rocks gathered by the astronauts, my own souvenirs of sight-seeing in New York City that day consist of three small memories.

The first:  Riding the speedy elevators amidst many ear poppings to the top of the Empire State Building, where hanging out with the clouds, we swayed with the building as we looked down in wonder on the streetscape to see taxi cabs the size of Matchbox cars and people the size of ants.  The second:  Walking the city sidewalks to find a cafeteria that served mediocre food in a family friendly fashion, that is, easy on the parent’s pocketbook and blind to lapses in their children’s table manners.  But it’s the third sight, the one of Times Square streaming with people–that will eternally mark the moon landing event into mind and make me forever thankful to my parents for taking us into the Big Apple on July 20, 1969–a Times Square that marked time for busy people who took time to look up and celebrate a message written in lights moving across a towering marquee that repeated itself over and over: “Man lands safely on the Moon.”

It’s safe to say that the men on the moon had a better view of the world than I did on the observation deck of the Empire State Building.  And it’s also safe to say, that as poor as it was, my food was better than whatever space food they had to consume that day.  But, somehow, standing in Times Square, gazing at that sign of the times, no one had the upper hand.  I felt connected to those men on the moon as I’m sure many did, even as I wondered about their safety and that of the world’s.  In a doomsday fashion, I wondered if the world would end this day?  Would we all die when the astroanauts finally stepped foot on the moon?  I don’t know where I got these dark fanciful ideas, but I do recall that it was late at night before the first step was actually taken, and that back in a New Jersey motel bed, I ended up sleeping through the entire event.   And the world went on.

Yet, did the world go on in a way that lived up to the promise shimmering within Neil Armstrong’s famous words?  Like the announcement on the Times Square marquee, Armstrong’s words were transmitted over radio signals and over and over on televisions signals to help ensure that anyone living that day could never forget them–“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”–as he took that first historic step on mankind’s behalf.   I do not question the value of technology or the inventions that grew out of our race to the moon.  Rather it’s the fact that then, like now, we are still at war–then Viet Nam, now Iraq.  All the expansion of knowledge from our space exploration has not led us toward advances in seeking and attaining peace.  We love no better now than then.  And the idealist in me cries out that if only, everyone could believe that each life is precious and sacred.  I mean really believe it.  And if only everyone could express this belief with actions and words.  Even with silly words, like that other moon saying my mother-in-law is so fond of using… “I love you to the moon and back!”

I love you to the moon and back.  Even such simple and silly words as these could lead us to take that giant leap for mankind to the shimmering Promised Land embedded in Armstrong’s words; if only they were universally held to be true.  If only.

Another Cinderella Story

17 Friday Jul 2009

Posted by Janell in In the Garden, Mesta Park, Soul Care

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Everyday Life, Mesta Park, Oklahoma Gardening, Soul Care, Writing

Sometimes I get an idea in my head and it’s hard to let go.   And I’m not sure whether it’s me or the idea itself that refuses to part ways. 

This time it’s the duplex next door.  For nine months now, I’ve thought of calling the owner to offer free landscaping services for his front yard.  What stops me in my tracks is the owner himself.  He’s a kind soul that doesn’t deserve such intrusion into his life by this unneighborly neighbor who has such big dreams for his property.

Yet.  The idea refuses to go away.  So this past month, I’ve explored the possibility with my spiritual director.  And then I casually mentioned it to a neighbor I ran into while walking my new dog through Mesta Park.  And yesterday, during a lull at the County Extension ‘hope desk’, I spoke to some fellow master gardeners about my designs on the duplex.    All have encouraged me to go talk to the owner.  But so far, I’ve talked to everybody but the one person I should be talking to.    

And meanwhile, I talk myself out of calling him.  I simply don’t know how and where to begin.  Just how do I explain my motivations to the owner when I don’t even understand them myself?  God knows I’ve tried to get underneath this desire to do this.  And when I examine the facts in my mind, it doesn’t make a bit of sense.  I find that this particular duplex is not the ugliest property on the block.  And while landscaping would certaintly increase our entire block’s property value, and most certainly the duplex’s own, it’s not the money that entices my interest.  Instead, as best as I can tell, it’s a simple matter of the heart — it seems to be all about the chance to create a little beauty where beauty is sorely lacking.  

In her book Mysticism, Evelyn Underhill explains how our hunger for the divine is mediated through the experience of beauty.  She writes,

“We know not why “great” poetry should move us to unspeakable emotion, or a stream of notes, arranged in a peculiar sequence, catch us up to heightened levels of vitality: nor can we guess how a passionate admiration for that which we call “best” in art or letters can possibly contribute to the physical evolution of the race.  In spite of many lengthy disquisitions on Esthetics, Beauty’s secret is still her own.  A shadowy companion, half seen, half guessed at, she keeps step with the upward march of life: and we receive her message and respond to it, not because we understand it but because we must.” 

I know this indescribable feeling of “must”.  Like my mother, I want to waltz through life making silk purses out of sow ears.  I am drawn to create beauty–and I define beauty broadly, as some of my efforts served to simplify only what others regarded as complex–with little regard for time or money.  I’m one who can ponder something for months… then with no earthly provocation…I dive in without warning and up to my eyeballs, I float on hope until I figure out how to swim.  

That’s sort of how it happened with my last Cinderalla story, with the duplex that sits across the street from my house.  A year ago I reported the property to city control for having foot high weeds.  Then the owner came, and finding her kind, I decided to offer free help.  And in spite of all the long hard work, what I recall most is the pure joy of creating a little beauty with God.  But even now, I blush at the memory of my boldness, as I offered my opinions left and right on what her duplex needed, even going so far as to suggest new paint colors and offering to do some of the painting for free, so she could decide if she’d liked it.  Amazingly, rather than sending me packing, she thanked me for all my ideas and all my help. And I’m still helping.  These photos of  ‘before’ and ‘after’ show what a little love can do. 

Before

Before

  

After

After

So I’m wondering.  Do I really believe in the truth of this fairy tale?  Because if I truly believed, wouldn’t I be calling the owner of the ugly stepsister next door?  I’m no fairy godmother and I know it.  Fairy godmothers always pop in just when their services are most needed.   And while I may think my services are more than needed, I’m not sure the duplex owner will feel the same. 

No, I’m more like the fool who rushes in where angels fear to tread.  The question becomes:  Must I?

The Gospel of Daddy

14 Tuesday Jul 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Aging, Everyday Life, Parents, Writing

Our empty nest home almost never receives a phone call past eight o’clock at night — unless it’s Monday evening  at nine-thirty, when my brother Jon calls to coordinate our Tuesday visit with Daddy.  So late phone calls– especially in my life here of late–inevitably mean one thing:  some sort of bad news about Daddy.  So last night at nine o’clock, I steeled myself for whatever bad news was coming my way when the phone rang and I looked down to see “Seminole Estates” on our Caller ID screen. 

It was Nurse Patty on the other end, letting me know my father had asked her to call me.  Wow.  I admit Patty’s words robbed me of speech.  Daddy wanted to talk to me?  Even in Daddy’s prime, Daddy rarely picked up the phone to call someone.  And I can’t ever recall Daddy picking up the phone to call me.  In our shared past, whenever Daddy wanted to check up on ‘us kids’, Daddy would ask Mom to call us.  So I was left to wonder what great need had inspired Daddy to break out of his life long habit–this Daddy of mine who ironically worked for the phone company for over thirty years– to finally “reach out and touch someone”, to borrow that same company’s late twentieth century campaign slogan?” 

In the seconds it took Patty to hand the phone receiver to my father, my mind was racing with all sorts of possibilities.  Looming at the top was the thought that Nurse Patty had likely called the wrong daughter.  It was a logical conclusion to make, as every time I visit, Daddy struggles up a few slurred words to ask me to call Christ about Taco and Eve, the latest two strays that are receiving a second chance at life in Daddy’s home because of my sainted sister, St Francis of Rock Creek.  So every time I visit, I try to put Daddy’s mind to rest by calling Christi for a dog report and whatever cute dog stories Christi wants me to share with Daddy.

But last night when I asked Daddy if Patty had called me rather than Christi by mistake, Daddy did not respond.  I’ve learned that Daddy only answers what is worth his while to answer.  He refuses to waste time or words on bad news.  Which is why he refuses to talk about those long ago years of his childhood past, when he was treated like an unwanted stray dog by his mother’s family.  And as I think about all the years I’ve known Daddy, I see Daddy has never been able to deliver bad news–whether in the name of childhood discipline or tough love or whatever flavorful phrase society chooses to call it at the moment–even if it was for someones supposed ‘own good’ .  The thought that bad news could be good news just never held water for Daddy.  So tonight, even if I had been called by mistake, I was never going to hear about it from Daddy’s own lips.  

So giving up that ghost, I moved on to ask Daddy how he was doing.  “Oh….pretty good”, he said, as if wrangling three words together was no mighty feat if I hit on a subject matter worth talking about.  Shaking my head in amazement at Daddy’s short of miraculous comeback over the last three weeks, I began to remind Daddy that I would be down this afternoon and that if Jon wanted to come, I would bring Jon with me.  I asked Daddy if there was anything special I could bring him?  Sometimes  I bring Cosmos, our new little Scottie girl.  Sometimes I bring a chocolate milkshake or some ice-cold V-8 tomato juice for him to drink.   But again, with a little bit of hard work, he offered me five more words to treasure:  Clear as a bell, he said, “Nothing I can think of.”  

Wow.  Minor miracles all.  A late phone call that brought good news by Daddy’s own mouth.  I enjoyed a couple of more exchanges before telling Daddy how good he was doing and how happy I was about his progress.  To think that four weeks ago I had begun exploring long-term nursing home options, preparing for the thought that Daddy might never come home.  And now, here I sit envisioning the opposite — the miraculous possiblity that Daddy could be home by summer’s end.

I give the credit to Daddy’s deep down desire and hope, which for me, is another way of saying God.  Daddy’s eating good, with nary a strangle, to regain weight lost a few months ago.  And according to his rehab team, Daddy’s working hard to regain his balance and swallowing skills.   But what about this reaching out to nurses to help him connect with his family?  I mean, who is this masked man?  It seems Daddy’s progress is not only helping him regain his recent physical diminshment, but also healing some old emotional wounds along the way.  

This gospel story in the making of Daddy’s summer progress is the best sort of goods news. 

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