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an everyday life

Tag Archives: True Self

Midnight’s Children: The Final Jar of Time

30 Saturday Jun 2012

Posted by Janell in Good Reads

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Books, Death, Everyday Life, Immortality, Midnight's Children, Story Telling, True Self, Truth

Funny, isn’t it?  That twenty days after first tasting the final words of Midnight’s Children, I’m still pondering those pickle jars.

So why pickle jars?  And not the exotic people, places and things introduced into my mind, by the magical writing of the now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t author, Salman Rushdie? (Can anyone use that “writery” trick of foreshadowing as effective as he?)

How can it be that it’s the image of thirty-one pickle jars trumping all else, in the end?  Especially that one.  You know.  On the end.  Empty and waiting.

“Twenty-six pickle-jars stand gravely on a shelf; twenty-six special blends, each with its identifying label, neatly inscribed with familiar phrases:  “Movements Performed by Pepperpots,” for instance, or “Alpha and Omega,” or “Commander Sabarmati’s Baton.”  Twenty-six rattle eloquently when local trains go yellow and browning past; on my desk, five empty jars tinkle urgently, reminding me of my uncompleted task. But now I cannot linger over empty pickle-jars; the night is for words, and green chutney must wait its turn.”  —  p. 443

Pickle jars represent chapters; thirty full jars equate to thirty full chapters of the novel.  Thirty full chapters of the narrator’s Saleem Sinai’s life.  So full —  not of preserved cucumbers — but of a cucumber-nosed narrator’s stories, dreams and memories truth.  Artfully told.  Artfully preserved.  Artfully titled, with chapter headings that hide as much as they reveal; “Movements Performed by Pepperpots,” for example.  Hmmm.  What might that concoction smell and taste like?

I wouldn’t have written these words twenty days ago. Because the words and ending felt flat first-time around.  The final bite of words left a bad taste in my mouth.  Like onions that linger to overstay their welcome.

I expected something spicy.  Something like all that had come before.  After all, I had followed the narrator through India, Pakistan and Bangladesh —  through the ups and downs of his dramatic “India-talkie” life.  And like a child-soldier, I longed for a little more “Ka-pow’ for the finale.  Know what I mean?

I should have known better.  By now, I should have known Rushdie better.  Because, as with Books One and Two, it’s the second reading where appreciation for Rushdie’s novel grows, where chapter contents begin to meld into flavors both fabulous and subtle on the tongue and mind.  Cucumbers, after all, are not pickles overnight.  And neither are Rushdie’s pickle jars of stories.  They require time and space to appreciate fully.

“One day, perhaps, the world may taste the pickles of history.  They may be too strong for some palates, their smell may be overpowering, tears may rise to eyes;  I hope nevertheless that it will be possible to say of them that they possess the authentic taste of truth… that they are, despite everything, acts of love.” p. 531

Truth.  Again it’s truth.  Truth floating up and swirling all around.  No longer truth in general, but truth in particular.  Truth as it’s embodied in a particular person.  Truth as it’s embodied in the narrator, Saleem.   And truth as it’s lived out (or not) by a country’s leaders. Military might as well as political power.  India.  Pakistan.  Eeny.  Meeny.  Miny.  Moe.    But rather than summarize, I prefer to get out-of-the-way, and let the Master Magician pull those ‘true-self’ “Rusdie-isms” out of his own top hat.

“Don’t you remember really?  Nothing? Allah, you don’t feel bad.  Somewhere you’ve maybe got mother father sister,” but the buddha interrupted him gently:  “Don’t try and fill my head with all that history.  I am who I am, that’s all there is.” [emphasis added] p. 403

“In the aftermath of the Sundarbans, my old self was waiting to reclaim me.  I should have known:  no escape from past acquaintance.  What you were is forever who you are.”  [emphasis added]  p. 423

“I no longer want to be anything except what who I am.  Who what am I?  My answer:  I am the sum total of everything that went before me, of all I have been seen done, of everything done-to-me.  I am everyone everything whose being-in-the-world affected was affected by mine.  I am anything that happens after I’ve gone which would not have happened if I had not come.  Nor am I particularly exceptional in this matter; each “I,” everyone of the now-six-hundred-million-plus of us, contains a similar multitude.  I repeat for the last time”  to understand me, you’ll have to swallow a world.” [emphasis added] p. 440-41

Simply beautiful.  Don’t you think? But as I said at the beginning, it’s the ending jar that gets me.  The jar that remains empty, since it represents the narrator’s future. And not just Saleem’s future, but my future, too.  And your future. And all of our futures.  Eeny.  Meeny.  Miny.  Moe.

Last days.  Last words.  Last breaths.  And then, eternity.  Yes, in the end, knowing ourselves — our true selves — requires accepting our own mortality.  Our own emptiness.  Our now-you-see-us-and-now-you-don’t selves. Which reminds me of Rushdie’s fabulous take on the after-life where we get a taste of invisibility through Parvarti’s magic tricks…. p. 438-39

And so much else, that I’ve no time to go there….

But later.  Maybe, then.  Maybe, then, we’ll have more time.  For as the great Rushdie, himself, once wrote,

“To pickle is to give immortality, after all…”  p. 531

————

Note 1:  For other book reviews, pop over to Arti’s place and follow the links.

Note 2: All page references are based on the 2006 Random House Trade Paperback Edition.

Just Sowing Joy

01 Sunday Jan 2012

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Happiness, Joy, Mystery, New Year's Resolutions, OKC Thunder, Russell Westbrook, Soul Care, True Self, Writing

It’s a mystery I don’t need to understand — how the simple acts of putting 2011 to bed and waking up in 2012 — how the mere advancing of clock and calendar can create such energy.  And not just for me.

I am the same person as yesterday.  But I don’t feel the same.  Yesterday felt dark and heavy in spite of it being a beautiful clear, blue sky sort of day.  Where today —  in spite of partly cloudy skies outside my window — I feel lighter in spirit than I have in a long time.  My outlook has changed with the year —  finally, all that fumbling around in the dark night of 2011 might be paying off.  Happy new year — I’ve found the light switch.  And who cares that I can’t account for the change!

Yet, don’t similar unexplainable effects occur elsewhere in life?  In professional sports, for example, energy on the field is often created out of home-court advantage.  Here in Oklahoma City, three days ago, an NBA point guard for the Thunder was having a lousy game in a so far, lack-luster season.  But that changed in an instant, when in the  midst  of the fourth quarter, the hometown faithful began cheering Russell Westbrook on, chanting his name over and over  — RUS-SELL — RUS-SELL — RUS-SELL.

Newspapers all across the nation reported the feel-good story written by Mike Sherman, sports editor for The Oklahoman, which concluded with these words:

“That play — that chant — didn’t win the game. Durant took care of that. But it definitely accomplished something. Westbrook was Westbrook after that. He went 3-of-4 shooting in the fourth quarter, was aggressively pressuring Jason Kidd and became the force of nature the Thunder needs him to be.

His final line wasn’t anything too special: 16 points on 6 of 15 shooting, four assists and seven turnovers. But it was hard to leave the arena without feeling something had turned for Westbrook.

“I just tried to stay positive,” he said. “My teammates kept encouraging me. I know I could come in and change the game defensively. That is what I did, and it led to some offense.”

And a special moment.”

Special moments are nice.  But the a-ha line for me was that “Westbrook was Westbrook after that.”  And that’s all I want — I wish to become myself again, after all that turmoil endured in 2011. And I believe I can do it just as Russell is doing it — by taking three big positive steps:

1.  Surround myself with people who encourage me.

2.  Spend time doing those things that bring me joy.

3.  Pray more — by keeping time in a circle of prayer.  And while Westbrook didn’t mention prayer, I know enough of this place to know Westbrook and all the players — on both sides of the court — were surrounded in a circle of prayer in that arena last Thursday evening.

This short list of ‘gonnas’ sounds a lot like new year’s resolutions, doesn’t it? — those things I’ve avoided making for years.  But it’s a new year and I’m ready to try new things that will sow seeds of joy in my life.  And who knows but that maybe in the mystery of life, my good intentions may help me live into a ‘happy new year.’

Why I’m smiling, just from writing the words, ‘Happy New Year.” Can you imagine the joy I could make with a little confetti and a horn?

About Yesterday

05 Monday Dec 2011

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

Everyday Life, Harlequin Romance, In the Kitchen, Parents, True Self

Was it about red cake?

No, not really.  Nor was it about gift exchanges or the home-cooked meal prepared by my mother’s surviving sister  — as good as both were — or about being in my sister’s lovely home, dressed so fine for the holidays  — as good as that was.

No.

No.

No.

In truth, it’s hard to say what yesterday was about.   Except that it had something to do with Mother.  And something to do with Aunt Jo, too.  And a whole heck of a lot to do with this deep down desire of mine  — and maybe others too  — of keeping their memories alive.

It was in this vein that we assembled; Mother’s sister, both daughters and ex-daughter-in-law and our chicks and their chicks and even one of Aunt’s Jo’s grand-chicks.  We convened to bake Mother’s red cake and along the way, we conversed.   Then we dined.  And drew numbers – not from a hat but a pretty piece of green depression glass — which allowed lucky number twelve to walk away with a bottle of White Shoulders cologne — the only scent I’d ever known Aunt Jo to wear.  And because I got Sis to climb up rickety stairs into a cold attic to dislodge a dozen or so dusty paperbacks, we each picked out a vintage Harlequin Romance —  to keep or do with as we will — as a visible reminder of Mom’s life.

But keeping a memory alive is a tricky business.  It doesn’t just happen —  nor does it happen, I think, by keeping up certain traditions or by following a recipe to the letter.  At least, this is what I woke up to this morning.  Because yesterday, though our red cake was a little crusty around the edges, and therefore, less than perfect — though we fell short in recreating Mom’s legend of a red cake — we walked away with something better; we walked away with not just a piece of dry cake, but a piece of Mom’s reality — something a little crusty around the edges — something a little like Mom would have baked herself — something even close to the person Mom was in real life.

Mom never baked a perfect red cake — as far as I know.  If not dry, wasn’t it  lop-sided?  And didn’t most come out of the pan only partially  — the rest following suit only after a hearty bang?  And weren’t they cracked down the middle.  Or had a side lopped off?   Or sometimes both —  in a particular dismal year of holiday baking?

Mom was not used to working with or toward perfection.  But give her something broken — something dinged up — something that needed a fresh coat of paint and a little bit of love — well that, she could work with.   And goodness knows, baking a red cake was no different —  whatever fell apart was simply put back together as best she could, with toothpicks and some of that gooey frosting she made —  the frosting that set her red cake apart from all others.  I don’t ever remember Mom fussing over her visibly flawed red cake creations.  She simply did that day’s best.  Then released them  — usually, with some off-hand benediction  —  something like, “Well, that’s all I can do to make it right.”

I miss Mom’s imperfection and her acceptance of imperfections — both in people and in life’s situations.  I miss her ability to walk away from a less than perfect cake (or life) without a backward glance or desire for do-overs; I miss her uncanny knack of knowing how best to put the pieces of life back together when things get sticky but unglued — so that all involved could move on after taking deep breaths.  Not because everyone and thing was ‘all better’, of course —  but because everyone was still together — in spite of it all.

Yes, yesterday’s red cake was more about the crusty reality of Mom than whatever our affection and memories of her in the intervening years have made of her.   And like any litmus, it revealed a substance of reality.

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