• About
  • Recipe Index
  • Daddy Oh

an everyday life

an everyday life

Tag Archives: Parents

Breakfast of Champions

02 Wednesday Sep 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Aging, Everyday Life, Parents, Wheaties

It is good to count on some things remaining the same, especially when life is pulling a rug out from under your feet.
Summer of '69, Jon, Christi & Mom

Summer of '69, Jon, Christi & Mom

Wheaties are just one of those constants of life.  And a few weeks back, I saw boxes of Wheaties lining the grocery store  shelf.  And though I’m not a huge fan, I could not resist bringing one of those orange cardboard boxes home.  My impulse buy was probably linked to my need to hold onto something from my past that has resisted changing with the times.

So here I sit enjoying a bowl of Wheaties.  The breakfast of champions.  I can’t tell you which champion adorns the front of the box.  But I can report that the stuff inside the box tastes just like I remember.   It’s good.  But the best part of this breakfast is that each bite stirs up memories of earlier days when everyone I loved was still here to love.

Instead of sitting at my mustard colored writing desk, I could be sitting at my Granny’s shiny and colorful oilcloth covered table.  My old window is open just as Granny’s use to be, catching the morning’s cool breeze.  Granny’s kitchen is as unpretention as she is.  For instance, Granny always stores her box of Wheaties on top of her refrigerator.  And Granny’s milk tastes funny.  At least this is what I tell Granny.  And she says something about it being fresh from the cow.  I have no idea what she means.  Old people say the craziest things.  Doesn’t all milk come fresh from cows?

But now I wonder…did Granddad keep milk cows?  It’s possible.  Granddad got bored easily, trading one job for another across the years we shared life together.  Granddad was always tinkering with something, always thinking of his next business enterprise.  He was versatile — one time operating heavy road-building machinery to some other year raising chickens…. then onto lambs.  I remember Granddad once owning a used car business; then in his final years he grew the best tasting produce — corn and watermelons and tomatoes and okra and I don’t know what else — but all of it was sold from the back of his truck, which he parked a block away from Shawnee’s Main Street.

Maybe somewhere in all those parade of jobs Granddad had milk cows too.  But against all this changing source of income, Granny always kept their Wheaties on top of the refrigerator.  I wonder now if Wheaties might have represented a thread of stability in Granny’s life, just as they do for me right now.

Summer of '69 -  Jon, Christi & Dad on the Coast of Maine

Summer of '69 - Jon, Christi & Dad

I thought my elders ancient when I was young.  But of course, I now know that in the early sixties, Granny and Grandad were not so old.  They were just 50-something, my age today.  Likewise, my parents were in their late 20’s and early 30’s, the same age as my two daughters today.

These days Daddy is an old 79, to borrow a phrase of my sister’s.  And with Daddy slipping away from time, I am reminded that soon I will be the elder.  And even now in the eyes of my own grandchildren, I realize I may already be. 

 

All of these thoughts have me hungering for more than a bowl of Wheaties.  I long to hold in my hand, some old yellowed snapshots of my parents and my grandparents, especially ones that include my brother and sister and I.  And last Sunday was no different.  With no plans to do so, I was drawn to rummage through my trunk filled with forty years of musty keepsakes.  The time was well spent as I dredged up a few old photos of my parents that I took in 1969 with my first Kodak Instamatic camera.  The images are not sharp and clear.  In fact, the photos are fuzzier than my memories.  But even so, it was good to see my parents so young and vital again.

It was these forty year old photos of my young parents, who were champions of their children’s lives — rather than the champion currently featured on the front of the orange Wheaties box — that kept company with my bowl of Wheaties on my makeshift breakfast table this morning.  And as good and constant as the Wheaties were, they are no god.  And as good and fleeting as my elders were, they too were no god.  Nothing in the world can substitute for the Reality of God.  And it is  good to count on God remaining the same, especially when life is pulling a rug out from under your feet.

Life’s A Dream

25 Tuesday Aug 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Soul Care

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Aging, Death, Everyday Life, Nursing Homes, Parents

It helps to hold no expectations about Daddy.  Quite frankly, I wouldn’t know what to expect anyway.  And after our visit is over, I don’t really know how it went or how I feel about it.  Well, that’s not exactly true.  There is always an element of sadness.  But beyond sadness, what else can I say about these visits with Daddy?

Was today a good visit?  Did we find Daddy well?  I don’t know the answers to these questions.  Daddy was there.  We were there.  And more than last week, I think we actually connected a few times.   But the words ‘good’ and ‘well’ don’t quite fit in the same sentence with Daddy these days.   At least, not without some kind of qualifier, like that word… expected.

If soneome other than my husband were to ask after Daddy, I would say something like, “Daddy is doing as well as can be expected or that our visit was as good as could be expected.”  People would understand what this means, even though I don’t.  For what are expectations, anyway.  Yours, mine and even Daddy’s for crying out loud. Expectations are a moving target, expectations are as fuzzy as it gets.  So, if I’m trying to keep it real, to meet Daddy wherever Daddy is, it’s best for me not to lug around expecations.  When my husband asks me how Daddy was, I tell him the truth.  I don’t know.   And it’s so freeing to be able to speak these words of truth.

Today my brother Jon and I walked into Daddy’s dark nursing home room to find Daddy sound sleep. Jon reached down and gently touched Dad on the shoulder.   “Hi Dad.  We’re here.”  Just like I was looking down on a baby sleeping in a crib, I peeped over Jon’s shoulder to smile at Dad as he tried to wake himself up.  His eyes were huge–and though trite to say as big as saucers  — they were at least as big and round as quarters.  For a few seconds, maybe more, Dad wore a scary blank stare.  But once Dad found his bearings, Dad’s eyes softened in recognition.      

Daddy has always been a dreamer.  But these days, I wonder if no one were there to wake Daddy up, if Dad might sleep straight through to find himself at the Pearly Gates.  Even while we three watched one of Dad’s favorite old television reruns — an episode of Bonanza — Dad fought against sleep.  As Daddy yawned and yawned, Jon asked, “Daddy, are you sleepy?”  And Dad shook his head no.  Then I asked, “Daddy, are you have any good dreams these days?”  And again, Dad shook his head no. 

But I sense all of Dad’s life is a dream right now.  During our visits, Daddy holds a calendar in his lap, which has become his anchor to the world of time.  The calendar is the sort that comes free in the mail from local businesses at the end of the year.  Somewhere inside the front cover, it probably bears “Happy Holidays” greeting and some important telephone numbers customers like Dad should have handy.  Dad likes to flip these calendar pages back and forth –and today he flipped between the months of August and September — and though Daddy use to ask me when he could come home, Daddy doesn’t ask anymore, though for a while today, I thought he wanted to.   I fear my answer might be more reality that Daddy could bear.  And perhaps sensing this, Daddy clinged to his dreams rather than allow me to shatter them.   

Before we left, Jon helped Daddy get ready for bed while I got the bed ready for Daddy.  Then as Jon helped Daddy get in bed and tucked the covers in around him, I tuned the television in to Channel 74, which lucky for Dad, was in the midst of showing back-to-back reruns of M*A*S*H.  Putting the television remote near Dad’s hand and clipping his call button to his bed, Jon and I took turns kissing Daddy goodbye, and then whispering sweet nothings close to his ear.  

As I reflect back on our visit, I see that when we walked into Dad’s nursing home world, we walked into a world as far away from dreams as truth is from lie.  Because today my brother and I parented our parent.  And none of that seemed real.  To see Dad’s meeger life as it now is makes me think… This can’t be Daddy’s world.  Daddy deserves better than this.  But it is Daddy’s everyday world.  It’s Daddy’s world and someday it will be mine and someday it will be all of ours.  Maybe not the nursing home part if we’re lucky.  But the dying part, yes, that’s reality.  Dying is as real as it gets.  It would be closer to truth to say that it is life that is a dream, the way we live it by pretending death is not part of the equation.  Life is a dream and then we die. 

And then, what.  My faith steps in to say that then — in that world beyond death –there will be no more need for dreams.  For in that place beyond time and flimsy cheap calendars, it will be there that Daddy will receive the better that he deserves.  But until that day comes, may Daddy’s dreams be sweet. 

Dream away Daddy.  Dream while you still have breath in your body.  Dream of better places and being loved as you’ve never been loved in your life.  Dream of the love you deserve, dream for the love that waits.  Dream until there is no more need for dreams. 

Travel Light

20 Thursday Aug 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Soul Care

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Aging, Death, Everyday Life, Parents, Soul Care, Travel

My husband is the consummate traveler through life.  He rents his books, buys only the clothing he needs, and rarely makes spur-of-the-moment purchases.  He’s no different when it comes to real traveling; he travels light, packing only the bare bone essentials into a carry-on bag if possible.  

Being his complete opposite, I live a more settled existence, surrounded by a lovely home chock-full of stuff, most of which needs to be washed or dusted.  It’s far too easy for me to accumlate stuff and one look into my library reveals my most glaring weakness for books.  And when it comes to closets, I figure I’m not the only gal in this world to have stored three sizes of clothes for almost ten years in the hope I might one day wear that smallest size again.  Moving to Oklahoma became my day of reckoning, as I came to terms with the likely reality that I will never again wear a size six;  and moving to a historic home with very small closets made those size sixes much easier to part with. 

But my nest is feathered light compared to my mother’s.  Mom always was a pack rat, though once she and Dad settled into retirement, Mom became even more earnest about the business of accumulation.  At the time of Mom’s death, she left the equivalent of two double car garages and one house stuffed to the gills.  And with Daddy’s failing health, I fear my sister and I will soon be forced to reckon with our scary inheritance.  

Sitting with my frail father has instructed me on the art of traveling light as Daddy inches closer to death.  These days, Daddy is not interested in the daily happenings of the world, as reported by the local newspapers.  Nor is Daddy imersed in life as depicted by his once favored television shows.  As Daddy skinnys down his life to the bare bones, Daddy has even discarded a few people that once held importance.  I happen to be one of them.  And while it hurts to unintentionally fall between the cracks of Daddy’s short attention span, I understand that in some godawfulway (yes, one word, said real fast), Daddy is not really Daddy anymore.

More often than not, Dad’s spirit travels as light as a feather to only God knows where.  Our visits of late remind me a lot of my final visits to my mother’s ICU bedside.  And though Dad is not in a coma, Dad is still unaccessible.  At best our visits are a  series of one-side conversations punctuated by golden silence.   Yet at times something mysterious will grab Dad’s attention and Daddy will point his finger to a spot somewhere over my shoulder.  I turn around to nothing, but sense that Daddy is seeing something that only Daddy can see.  Perhaps some spirit from the invisible world has come to help Daddy learn what it really means to travel light? 

Too soon.  Daddy will be traveling toward the light.

← Older posts
Newer posts →

“Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? — every, every minute?”

-- Thornton Wilder, "Our Town"

Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts.


prev|rnd|list|next
© Janell A West and An Everyday Life, January 2009 to Current Date. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

Recent Posts

  • Queen of Salads
  • Sweater Weather
  • Summer Lull Salads
  • That Roman Feast
  • Remodel Redux
  • Déjà vu, Déjà Voodoo
  • One Good Egg

Artful Living

  • Fred Gonsowski Garden Home
  • Kylie M Interiors
  • Laurel Bern Interiors
  • Lee Abbamonte
  • Mid-Century Modern Remodel
  • Ripple Effects
  • The Creativity Exchange
  • The Task at Hand
  • Tongue in Cheek
  • Zen & the Art of Tightrope Walking

Family ~ Now & Then

  • Chronicling America
  • Family
  • Kyle West
  • Pieces of Reese's Life
  • Vermont Digital Newspaper Project

Food for Life!

  • Elizabeth Minchilli in Rome
  • Manger
  • Once Upon a Chef
  • The Everyday French Chef

Literary Spaces

  • A Striped Armchair
  • Dolce Bellezza
  • Lit Salad
  • Living with Literature
  • Marks in the Margin
  • So Many Books
  • The Millions

the Garden, the Garden

  • An Obsessive Neurotic Gardener
  • Potager
  • Red Dirt Ramblings

Archives

Categories

  • Far Away Places
  • Good Reads
  • Home Restoration
  • In the Garden
  • In the Kitchen
  • Life at Home
  • Mesta Park
  • Prayer
  • Soul Care
  • The Great Outdoors
  • Writing

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • an everyday life
    • Join 89 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • an everyday life
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...