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an everyday life

an everyday life

Tag Archives: Everyday God

A Candlelit Path

19 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Janell in Prayer, Soul Care

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Everyday God, Everyday Life, HeartPaths Spirituality Centre, Prayer, Soul Care

“Give me a candle of the Spirit, O God,
as I go down into the deep of my own being.
Show me the hidden things.
Take me down to the spring of my life,
and tell me my nature and my name.
Give me freedom to grow so that I may become my true self –
the fulfillment of the seed which you planted in me at my making.
Out of the deep, I cry unto thee, O God.”   Amen
— George Appleton

Sitting on a hard plastic chair that night, in the basement of St. Luke’s Methodist Church, I did not know that I had ‘signed up’ to uncover my true self.    I had no particular interest in that bit of fact-finding.   My purpose was much simpler:  I came to pray.  That’s all.  I came to pray and to meet people who also desired nothing more than to pray.

As with most of everyday life, we get more or less than we bargain for.  In my experience as a student at HeartPaths Spirituality Centre, I received more.   It began that first night, reciting that first printed prayer of George Appleton’s with a few others — a small community of students and two leaders — from the first of many handouts I would come to receive as a student at HeartPaths.

Every HeartPaths session begins by lighting a candle.  The lit candle symbolizes the light of God.   Candlelight shimmers soft and invites confidences.  Never is it harsh and circling like a  penetrating searchlight.   Instead, everyone and everything looks better in candlelight.

Candlelight slows life down.  When traveling by candlelight, we tread carefully.  Not every bump in the road is illuminated.  It requires us to sometimes retrace our steps for a missed turn.  Like life itself, candlelight will not clearly define answers  or destinations.  Yet, candlelight bids us forward into the darkness.  As we step in, questions previously covered by darkness grow into recognizable shapes of answers and if not destinations, that at least rest stops along the way.

I have not arrived at my destination of becoming my true self.   The prayer I recited that first night in class is not yet fully answered.  Paradoxically, the more I know about myself, the more I find there is to know.  Does anyone ever arrive at Xanadu?

Yet, with the help of prayer by candlelight, I do know myself better than I did four years ago.  I’ve uncovered both warts and beauty spots.  And in the topsy-turvy truth of life, traits I once viewed as warts I’ve since come to know as beauty spots — and yes, some of those areas I once called beauty spots I’ve found to be nothing more than worldly warts.   But here, I get ahead of myself, as I am apt to do.

Backing up to the start, I see that self-knowledge (and self-acceptance) is where true growth begins.  And as it happens, along the way, I’ve learned that prayer is no more than being yourself before God.

Fancy that.  Looks like I got exactly what I signed up for.  And more.  In worldly terms, this candlelit path was a true bargain.

Open for Business

14 Thursday Jan 2010

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care, The Great Outdoors

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Everyday God, Everyday Life, Ignatius, Prayer, Soul Care

Already, that first bluish light on the eastern sky is lifting the darkness that covers Mesta Park.

I like to watch the day open for business.  One solitary car drives on nearby Walker Avenue.  There are no birds yet.  No squirrels.  No dogs running up and down the fence.  All of this will come later.

My day began at four-thirty this morning  with my husband getting ready for his Houston day trip.  We both have full days, so an early start helps keep the day more spacious.

Tonight I’m bringing supper for my contemplative prayer group.  Nothing difficult — just a little potato soup and chicken salad, that I will serve on those lovely French Saigon baguettes from the grocery store near my home.  I have the night off from leading; it will be easier to prepare the physical food than serving in my normal role of writing and facilitating the evening’s prayer meditation.

The break creates space for my spiritual direction coursework.  I’m contemplating my final project — a paper that I will present to my small group of fellow students and instructors.  The topic, rather open, will allow me to pursue my own interests as they apply to the work of spiritual direction.

I shake my head in wonder that this three-year journey is almost over.  The prayer practices, the Ignatius retreat and even this spiritual direction practicum year have all helped to open up my life, much like the day opens up before me.  What business will  arrive  after the course work is over and my certificate is in hand?

For now, it is enough to rejoice in knowing that light has washed away some of my former darkness.  I will end my three-year journey better acquainted with myself and an Everyday God — such knowledge allows me to be more accepting of faults and brokenness — by own and others.   I notice that I also exercise greater patience, and though I still keep busy days, I no longer try to stuff 10 pounds of life into a five-pound day — now I’m down to six pounds.  Maybe in time, it will be only four.

I am better at waiting in the dark unknown for the light and answers to come.  Even now, I look out my window and the day is here.  Walker Avenue is busy with cars.  And the wind is shaking the leaves of that old Magnolia tree  to wake it up for business.  The birds are out, for I hear their sweet chirps.  And somewhere out there, hidden behind the Magnolia leaves, is a squirrel or two beginning their day.

It’s time to wake up three sleepy-head dogs.

The However Psalmist

09 Wednesday Dec 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Tags

Everyday God, Everyday Life, Writing

It feels good to have another session of Everyday God written.  It’s the last for the year and, since another will lead the group for a while, it’s my last for the next three months and maybe my last forever.  And as good as it’s been, it will be okay, however it turns out.

I’ve finally got a good lead on the direction of my Christmas letter.  So I pray  the idea pans out.  But I can’t begin this for a few days since I want to come at it fresh rather than tired and depleted.  I need rest.   And I know my tiredness has caused me not to deliver my personal best toward Everyday God.  But like squeezing that last little bit out of a tube of toothpaste, it was all I had.  It will be okay, however it turns out.

The temperature gauge continues to drop  — it will be a below freezing 16 degrees tonight — and soon it will be time for me to fly south for a little while.  I’m ready to read and visit with friends and take long walks on the beach and eat seafood.  And gosh I hope it’s warmer down there.  And I hope the sun is out and the skies are blue.  But even if it rains and the skies are gray, it will be okay, however it turns out.

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