The Nature of Listening

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Thunder awakes the night sky.   Heavy raindrops come.  Then the wind.  Last of all, lightening.

I should be asleep right now but I’m glad I’m not.  I’m glad I’m up to listen to this final rainstorm of May.  Yet how long will I listen?  All too soon, the sounds will fade into the background.   I will become immersed in my writing.  In spite of good intentions, I won’t listen.

I confess to being a lazy listener.  It comes from thinking I know what will be said.   My husband was guilty of this crime yesterday morning – I told him I had fed the poodles before coming back to bed at five a.m. – he thought I told him to feed the poodles.  So making like hobbits, the poodles enjoyed second breakfast.

In my online writing class last month, I learned that listening is the most important thing I can do to write well.  In fact, my teacher stressed that listening is more important than writing everyday. Taking her words to heart, I’m trying to listen a little closer to my world these days.

Yesterday afternoon, while walking from our car to the Paseo Art Festival, I enjoyed a frolic of a conversation between a black woman in a wheelchair and her chatty male neighbor.  I needed pen and paper to get the proper nuances of speech down.  So foreign were their expressions and words, it was like listening to a different language.  Just like when I travel abroad, I heard music rather than lyrics.   But even without the actual words, the memory of  their cadence is richer than a hot fudge sundae.

Walking behind the fast-moving power scooter, the woman appeared to have lost her legs.  Maybe that’s what I expected to see. When I caught up with her at the corner visiting a few more neighbors, I saw her legs were intact.  Sort of like my ears, her legs weren’t working as they ought, doing their intended job, though they were there all the same.

It’s still raining, but just barely.  In spite of good intentions, I’ve missed the heart of this quick, not quite summer storm.  But I enjoyed what I heard of it.  I need to tune into life more often.

I need to tune into the source of life more often too.  Of late, listening to God is the hardest work of all.  I don’t want to be still.  I don’t want to think.  I just want to do.  Keep my hands busy so my mind doesn’t have time to think.  And what am I avoiding?  Well, the hard work of grieving of course.

Grieving is the worst sort of listening.  One wakes up to realize that we don’t have forever in this world, that we are strangers speaking a strange tongue in a world that is not ultimately our own.  We wake to find we’ve no more opportunities to hear that much loved voice and the stories it told.  We wake to see we’ve taken for granted our loved one’s life and their presence in our own.

We wake to see that we let too many raindrops slip through our fingers without ever attempting to hold them in our hands.  Our hands are dry rather than wet with failed attempts.  My hands should be wet with failures.  My  hands should be wet with life.

I should be wet behind the ears.  Being wet behind the ears — that is, to take in everything as a young child —  is not necessarily a bad thing, though we speak of it as if it were.  Being wet behind the ears goes hand in wet hand with the nature of listening.

Rose and Rosie

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“Dear…dear….What is your first name?”

Sailing down in the riverboat, African Queen, Rose Sayer was desperate to know.   For quite to her surprise, Rose (played by Kate Hepburn) had fallen in love with the “gin-swilling riverboat captain” Mr. Allnut (played by Humphrey Bogart) before knowing his first name.  It was a novel place for the straight-laced, old-maid, African missionary Rose to find herself in.

Released right after Mom graduated high school, The African Queen was filmed on location in the Congo.  Never a big movie fan, but always a sucker for a good romance, Mom loved this movie.  We watched it together on our old black and white television set in the early sixties, when I was 7 or 8.  And last Monday, I watched it a second time in color —  when my husband and I went on a double date with Bryan and Amy — in the comfort of our own living room.

Double dates were popular back when my parents were first dating.  Whether my parents first date was a double date I don’t know.  But what I do know is that my parent’s first date was a blind date and that the lady responsible for setting it up was my mother’s friend Rosie.  Until last week, I didn’t know Rosie’s last name.

Dear…dear…What is your last name?

I was desperate to know.  You see, I was finally sitting down to the put-off business of acknowledging formal expressions of condolence on Daddy’s passing, while his death could still be counted in weeks rather than months.  And Rosie had taken the time to send a flower to the funeral home in memory of Daddy.

Given Rosie’s importance to my own life, it’s ironic that I’ve only two memories of Rosie.  The first was made when I was 5 or 6.  Rosie found me  in typical form, crouched down in the dirt, playing in front of our house.   Rosie caught me lost in a world of make-believe as I caught her walking up our drive-way.

With a child’s bold curiosity, I asked Rosie who she was and how  she had come since she had not arrived by car.   She told me her name was Rosie.  Then she told me she was my mother’s good friend.  And though this was BIG news — for I didn’t know my mother had any good friends — this news paled when Rosie told me she had flown rather than drove.  It strikes me that if Rosie had driven a car that day, I wouldn’t have remembered meeting her.  But because she had flown like a bird, I remembered her forever.

The second time I met Rosie was at my mother’s funeral.  It was then that Rosie told me of her part in getting my parents together.  I will be forever grateful that Rosie shared her memory, for by doing so, Rosie offered me that rare glimpse into my parents past, a more carefree time before the onset of children and mortgages.

After I finished Rosie’s note, my Aunt Jane mentioned that Rosie had also sent a nice card to Mom’s funeral.  Jane recalls Rosie writing that Mother had been her best friend.  I learned from my Aunt Jo that Rosie, Mom and Aunt Jo knew each other from the early fifties, when the three worked together at S.H. Kress & Co.   So not only did Aunt Jo help me find Rosie’s last name, I found out that  Mom and Dad met at Aunt Jo’s house and that Daddy was responsible for introducing Rosie to her husband, who died this past January.

It amazes me how people come in and out of our lives, especially when the connections are brief but carry such everlasting impact.  I don’t imagine Mom would have been an ‘old-maid’ without Rosie’s help.  But I sure wouldn’t have been a maid without her.

Praying with Popcorn

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Everyday life goes on.

But sometimes, like yesterday, I barely limp along.  Here’s the countdown:  3 loads of laundry; 2 meals; 1 load of dishes.  And an everlasting research project on which gas logs to purchase for my sister’s soon-to-be-lovely house.

It makes me wonder where I would be without my sister’s house, where I’ve devoted so much of my time since Daddy died.  Her renovation project keeps me going; it provides me an a creative outlet for ‘making all things new.’  Today’s trip will make four for the week.

Much of the work is messy.  Stripping old wallpaper, that has hung around so long that its become part of the wall, is in the running for ‘least favored job’.  It certainly takes the most time…the most patience to subdue.

But worse still, is removing the popcorn texture from the ceiling.   More than half-finished, by now we have the process well-defined.   We wet.  We scrape.  Then instant gratification:  we are rewarded as the rejected popcorn rains down upon us.

It lands everywhere with a wet mournful thud.  Before it’s all said and gone, we are covered with parasitic popcorn.  Small consolation that it is, our hair is protected by shower caps that we sport while undertaking the messy chore.   But no matter how carefully we cover the floor — whether it be with newspaper or old sheets or plastic drop clothes  —  cleaning up the remains still takes as long as the stripping.

If the result weren’t so satisfying, I’m not sure we wouldn’t have stopped with the first room.   But oh… the difference the missing popcorn makes!  The rooms seem larger, the ceiling height more spacious.  Our popcorn removal has been the most dramatic transformation thus far.

My sister and I laugh about how anyone (in their right mind) could have once regarded popcorn as a lovely texture.  Was it just one of those things that didn’t receive much thought, because everyone was doing it?  I can almost hear my mother saying, “If Billy and Julie were to jump off a cliff, would you jump too?” But to give credit where credit is due, popcorn texture lasted much longer than its swinging sixties cousins — does anyone remember shag carpeting and mirror wall and ceiling tiles?

And my favorite job?  Well… that would be painting — tinting the walls whatever lovely shade my sister has selected.  And today, I’m applying my second coat of finish paint to the kitchen.

Today, with a paintbrush in my hand, life will not be limp.  With a paintbrush in my hand, the walls and ceilings will take on new life.  The old will pass away.  With paintbrush in hand, God will be uppermost in my mind.  Those words from Revelations 21 will come to life, as in the presence of God, I will be “making all things new.”

With no need of kneelers or candles, with no need of bowed head or closed eyes, today I will be praying with paint and popcorn.