Taking Smaller Pictures

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“I am a home movie, with endless shots of friends and relations.”
— Frederick Buechner, Alphabet of Grace

A summer frolic between young cousins changes to winter play without fanfare.  The young actors and stage are constants.  But key scenery changes unlock the passage of time — green grass fades to yellow, a young girl and boy trade lawn cotton costumes for blue winter coats.

In my youth, the stage for Sunday afternoons was always Granny’s front yard and porch.  Old fashioned games of hide and seek, Easter egg hunts were all held there.  I can recall many baseball games held there too that divided our large family in two.  Granddad always played and all the kids and their spouses.  Trees subbed as running bases while appropriately, home base rested near the steps of Granny’s front porch.

The preliminaries involved Southern scratch cooking at its best.  But we grand-kids never lingered over our plates.  Without guilt of leaving food behind, we’d rush out the side screen door to play.  I imagine that cold February day caught on film was no exception.  That day we were celebrating my young aunt’s birthday.  Seven years older than I, my aunt is closer in age to me and the other grandkids than to our parents, her brothers and sisters.  Was Jane turning eleven or twelve that day?  I can’t really say.  I’d guess the year as 1959, judging by my own appearance — with hair tied back in a pony tail, wearing that blue coat over a standard home-made dress, I look to be no more than four.

Much like the young girl I was, the camera buzzes around the action without ever landing.  In its greed to capture the big picture for posterity, the action blurs; most subjects are in and out of the frame before eyes can discern their presence.  It doesn’t help that images of vintage film grow faint, that they go gray and grow lines with age.  Was that cousin Mike?  Or Pat?  I can’t really tell.   It all goes too fast.

What I know for sure is that my Aunt Jane had just received a brand new bike for her birthday.  Her first bike, because times and finances were tough for Granny and Granddad.  And for some reason — I don’t know why — my young father was teaching Jane to ride her bike, while my mother captured the event on film.  Who bought the bike for Jane?  Was it my parents?  Was it a joint gift from the family?  I don’t really know — these details were not important to me then.

The rolling images of vintage home movies cannot tell a story alone.  Spliced together without conscious editing, scenes require narration from one who lived through the event.  Preferably the storyteller is one who can recall vivid details since it’s details that make stories come alive.

That’s why it helps to focus in on smaller pictures.  In our story telling, it helps to content ourselves with telling little slices of life in great detail.  Come in late.  Leave early.  Don’t over stay our welcome.

So here’s one smaller picture from that home movie where I hit the pause button:  My young father balancing me on the handlebars of my young aunt’s brand new bike.

The handle bars are cold and hard.  The grass makes for a bumpy ride.  But I don’t care.  I’m happy to take a spin with my father on my aunt’s new bike.   I always found Daddy handsome — it’s a shame he didn’t learn this until lying on his deathbed.   I hope he found the information “better late than never;’  I was just glad to remember to tell it.

But what I didn’t remember were times like this, when Daddy was nothing more that a big playmate.   Surely with a child’s wisdom, I knew this fifty years ago, before Father Time dinged up my memories.

This then, is how I wish to remember Dad: braving the February cold to play the hero, teaching us kids a few new tricks.

Sturdy Irish Fiber

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It happened during the great purge – the day we wiped the house clean of my parent’s lives.

We were tired.  Like tin men, we had moved through mountains of memories.  Recycle this.  Trash that.  What remained were a few pieces of clothing.

My sister reached in, pulling out blue wool.  The shade that once matched Mom’s eyes match mine now.  I watched my sister’s fingers draw circles in its softness.  Of sturdy Irish fiber, the sweater and Mom were outside prickly — but comfortable when wrapped in their warmth.

So much had happened since Sis and I picked this sweater out for Mom.  Had it really been twelve years?  Hard to imagine anyone else wearing Mom’s sweater.

My sister looked at me.  “Do you want this?”

Caught off guard, I don’t know how to answer.  I only know Mom had —  Mom had wanted this sweater.  She loved wearing it.  She bragged it kept her warm on below freezing days, even when the Oklahoma wind whipped up her legs.   Without bothering with buttons, Mom would draw its looseness tight against her body before hurrying out to brave the cold.

Back in the closet, Sis drew Mom’s sweater toward her face.  Then, looking at me, she buried her nose in its folds.  Breathing in, she shook her head.  “Gone.”

A Generation Thing

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The oldest of the clan was recounting some tale of how her husband  once caught an octopus while fishing off the Pacific coast.  She was absorbed in her tale —  using arms to animate the action of eight legs fighting as her husband released it.

She’d hoped to entertain the young boy sitting across from her.  Before she’d launched into her tale, he had been wiggling about like an octopus on a pole, which was probably what triggered the story.  But the tale she told was too old for the five-year old — it flew over his head and across the restaurant dining room to me.

The child said nothing in response.  Perhaps the boy didn’t know what to make of the old story or the old woman telling it.  There was a formality between them that stamped her as ‘just visiting.’  In between the man and the storyteller sat a woman who bridged two generations — daughter to one and mother to the other.  She too, didn’t say a word.

The picture perfect family, four generations strong, was going through the ritual of keeping family.  Yet the three adults at the table were occupied by their salad greens,  leaving family stories to die untended on the old woman’s lips.  It was ten seconds before the man broke silence between bites of his salad.  “Is that right, Grandma.”

The lone response was too late to be anything more than polite.  It left me sad, as these days, I find myself adopting all sorts of scraps from my parent’s lives to help keep family stories alive.  Yesterday, I brought home four ice tea spoons.  I’ve no need for these early sixties relics.  I have sixteen already in the drawer.   And I don’t even sweeten my iced tea.  But I had to have them anyway.  Now they are odd men out, taking up space, keeping company with others that don’t resemble their pattern.

Handing stories on to the next generation can make one feel like odd man out.  The practice of storytelling requires thick skin; stories often go begging for a listening ear —  even when heard, children won’t always get the storyteller or their stories.

This need to preserve  stories is a generation thing.  Like that great-grandmother sitting across from me the other night; with seventy or eighty years of living bottled up inside, can you imagine how hard it was to keep stories from spilling over her lips.  Maybe she should consider spoon-feeding.