• About
  • Recipe Index
  • Daddy Oh

an everyday life

an everyday life

Category Archives: Soul Care

Help!

25 Monday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Far Away Places, Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Aging, Everyday Life, Parents, Raising Children, Writing

 “You know I need someone.  Help.”   —  John Lennon

 

CIMG0541aOut walking the neighborhood this morning, the dogs and I came across an orange construction cone.  On top rested a work glove.   A quick look at the road revealed no obvious need for the cone  and as for the work glove, who but God knows.  But the combination was sheer poetry that spoke to my current state.

Until Dad was admitted to the hospital early Friday, I’ve kept a two-person lifestyle afloat while my better half has been hard at work in Beijing.  To be sure, it’s been a tightrope balancing act for these past five weeks, to manage everyday life on the Mesta Park home front while pulled to Shawnee on a host of planned and unplanned emergency trips to help care for Daddy.

One day Dad looks pretty good, the next not so, though his body is all the time being pumped full with antibiotics and steroids to cure this undiagnosed infection.   I look him in the eyes and tell him he’s the best daddy in the world.  And he knows I mean it, as his eyes and my own fill with tears.    

Daddy can’t help that his floundering health comes at a darn inconvenient time.   Nor can I help that my neediness has seeped out in the last few days to impinge on the lives of my children, as they’ve been asked to don a pair of work gloves to help keep the pieces of my life running if not smooth, at least rough.  But, boy do I hate to ask for help, even from those I love best in the world.  Call it pride.  Call it, as St. Paul wrote, ‘regarding others better than myself.’  Maybe its a bit of both.  But as Mama use to say about money, help doesn’t just ‘grow on trees,’  and I wonder whether a true desire of helping can even be sown into the hearts and minds of others.

God knows I tried in my own children, for my own version of a ‘mama use to say’ — Do your best and think of others— was spouted off to the kids so often I bet they just turned off the spigot, back when the boys were still in elementary school and the girls were at the age where they’d begun to realize it was they that ‘knew it all’ while poor ‘ole Mom knew squat nothing.   Perhaps my spouting words merely reflected how I wanted to be myself, for while some people are natural born helpers, the rest of us just flounder amidst inadequacy and confusion. 

And the words we speak to excuse ourselves.  They’d be funny if they weren’t so sad and didn’t hit so close to home. “Well, I would have helped … had I’d known you needed help… if I weren’t so busy and had more time… or…if I knew what I could do.  At one time or another, I’ve worn all these gloves.  I mean hats.  Or in the case of my construction conehead I saw this morning, I’ve worn all these glove -hats.

But I wonder if the best teacher of altruism isn’t  adversity, as several from an older and more gracious generation made a point to let my sister and I know of their willingness to help… however we needed.  I’m told my maternal grandfather began to get his own breakfast — and that of my grandmother’s — after Granny suffered a mild stroke in 1962.   That would be seventeen years of breakfasts, before Granddad passed in 1979.  My mother’s family tend to speak more with actions than words, so I don’t imagine any words related to the new breakfast protocol were ever spoken.  Together they hit a bump in the road and together my grandparents compensated with their own sort of  detour, one that worked for them, even if it meant my grandfather had to do a bit of  ‘women’s work’ in the way of love.  

And how is it that, in the mysterious ways of love and of actions speaking louder than words, that I’ve just received word  that my husband is on his way home?  Two days early.  His work has hit an unexpected detour of its own. 

So help is on the way in the best way.  By the one who loves me most, outside of God.  And what more is there to say?  But this.  Thank God. 

Unplugged

19 Tuesday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Good Reads, Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Books, Everyday Life, Parents, Soul Care, The Sacrament of the Present Moment, Writing

No hubby.  No Iggy.  But I still have Daddy. 

Just last week, Daddy looked like he was ready to quit this world.   His right leg was dragging behind him and his head was at half-mast, resting on his shoulder.  Christi, again suspecting a stroke, called for sibling backup, because it takes three of us to get Daddy’s incredibily shrnking body and spirit to the doctor.    A few days later, and one steriod shot and two maintenance drugs subtracted, Dad is more like Dad’s old self, albiet five pounds lighter.   And while still disconnected with dementia, Daddy is at least plugged in to life, again his normal anxious self, and again trying to communicate with the world, but for that tied up tongue of his.

Meanwhile, I’ve come unplugged.  I’ve had no interest in writing.  So I haven’t.  I went to a party on Sunday and moved about the room not really connecting with anyone.  I was just a bystander, watching the parade of a party go by,  as I cut cake and served it.  Then I came home incredibly sad. 

I wrote about it during Examen.  But I never got underneath the feeling to discover its source.  I was curious, but not so curious that I wanted to work for the answer.  Ignatius calls it desolation.  But whatever it’s label, I think I know a little more about how Daddy feels trapped in his body that leaves him disconnected from his world.  And I think Daddy is sad about this, just as I was sad.  And being sad is so exhausting.

The party day happened to fall on my twenty-third wedding anniversary.  Both my husband and I forgot it.  I think being disconnected from each other, separated by twenty-four days of time and thirteen time zones fosters forgetfulness.  My daughter Kara reminded me, so I dashed off a sad little email wishing Don a happy anniversary — it still was here, though thirteen hours in the future, it was no longer our anniversary when Don opened it a few minutes later.  When we fnally connected twelve hours later, Don wished me a happy anniversary, still thinking it was, not realizing he was a day late, his first in twenty-three years.  It was sort of comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one disconnected.

I also miss my morning Ignatius exercises, though I’m now reading bits and pieces of  ‘spiritual writings’ in the same time slot.   A little bit of this, and a  little bit of that, like a bee buzzing around way too many flowers.  I’ve sipped a little Evelyn Underhill, more of  of Thomas Merton, less of St. Augustine, and have finally landed on Jean-Pierre de Caussade’s The Sacrament of the Present Moment.  

It seems good medicine for a person unplugged.

Steel Magnolia

13 Wednesday May 2009

Posted by Janell in In the Garden, Mesta Park, Soul Care, The Great Outdoors

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Everyday Life, Magnolia Trees, Mesta Park, Oklahoma Gardening, Writing

With my husband out of town for what seems like forever, I’m reduced to keeping up with local weather forecasts on my own. 

So having done my homework before tuning in, I was surprised to be awakened at 2 a.m. last night by the far away sound of  thunder.  A silent minute later, deciding the thunder had been a vivid dream, I settled back into bed, to again hear what sounded like another rumble.  A strong Oklahoma wind, 40 mph whipping down the plain fast, soon had my old windows humming and vibrating.  

Then came the rain.  And memories of twenty years of  tropical storms I had experienced when living ten miles from the Texas coast were reawakened to rest along side me.  Remembering the damage of tropical winds, I half expected to wake up  a downed Magnolia tree in our backyard this morning.  Soggy soil and strong wind proved a deady combination for many huge Texas trees.  And our old Magnolia tree is not doing well. 

In the last  three year’s, our poor tree has been put through something akin to the tree world’s trials of Job.  Its first three bruisings came compliments of the Oklahoma weather rollercoaster.   Three yeasrs ago, our State was in the midst of a long drought.  As luck woud have it, the drought was broken briefly the day we moved in, by a  light Methodist sprinkle of water falling from the sky.  Though not a Baptist dunking, it did a fine job of baptizing us into our new life in Mesta Park.  

Our  first  summer proved a scorcher, with many broken record days of over 100 degree heat.   And our poor old Magnolia just suffered  since I didn’t know to  give it a slow and long weekly drink.  The following  summer we experienced a monsoon, when the entire month of June was one big rainy day.  Then six months later, we were crippled by freezing rain that ended up damaging and felling many old trees that in turn took out the neighborhood power lines.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget the arrival of the Oklahoma National Guard in front of our house, who chainsawed and stacked the remains of a fallen limb, that once reached across the street from a neighbor’s gorgeous American Elm.  The limb itself was large enough to completely cutoff traffic.  Our Magnolia lost a few limbs and more than a few branches and like the other trees of the neighborhood, has looked a little crippled ever since.

Then last summer, as if the Oklahoma weather hadn’t done enough to kick this old  tree around, we gave it another beating by beginning our backyard construction project, distrubing  the tree’s root system.  After the damage was done I learned that Magnolia’s, more than most, just hate to have their feet messed with.  But so far, it lives.

May and June brings a lot of leaf drop on Magnolia trees in Oklahoma.  And while everyday is a leaf drop sort of day for a Magnolia, the tree absolutley rains leaves four weeks a year, even without wind.  This past week I’ve collected a full grocery sack every day.   And the transformation has been incredible — two weeks ago our tree had so many off color leaves it looked sick with yellow fever, while today its mostly a waxy green shiny.  

Magnolia leaf drop, which leaves a tree a little naked and exposed, is nature’s way of preparing the tree for its season of blooms.  Beneath all those yellow leaves on my old tree, were creamy Magnolia blooms waiting for their moment in the sun.  And I absolutely love Magnolia blooms.  Even now, one is partially opened with a bee  circling it madly, but kept from its vocation by the still strong Oklahoma wind. 

I pray our tree will prove a survivor just like that one down the street at the Murrah Memorial.  Two more years may tell whether its out of the woods.  And in the meantime, I’ll just watch the blooms unfold and tend to the tree’s needs, as best as I can, as this old Job steels itself for another long hot summer.  And while the tree wrestles with God for new life, I’ll just pick up its old cast-offs, offer it long and slow refreshing summer drinks, and let it soak in some Epsom Salts over the winter. 

And  unlike Job’s friends, I’ll attend its wounds in silence.

← Older posts
Newer posts →

“Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? — every, every minute?”

-- Thornton Wilder, "Our Town"

Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts.


prev|rnd|list|next
© Janell A West and An Everyday Life, January 2009 to Current Date. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

Recent Posts

  • Queen of Salads
  • Sweater Weather
  • Summer Lull Salads
  • That Roman Feast
  • Remodel Redux
  • Déjà vu, Déjà Voodoo
  • One Good Egg

Artful Living

  • Fred Gonsowski Garden Home
  • Kylie M Interiors
  • Laurel Bern Interiors
  • Lee Abbamonte
  • Mid-Century Modern Remodel
  • Ripple Effects
  • The Creativity Exchange
  • The Task at Hand
  • Tongue in Cheek
  • Zen & the Art of Tightrope Walking

Family ~ Now & Then

  • Chronicling America
  • Family
  • Kyle West
  • Pieces of Reese's Life
  • Vermont Digital Newspaper Project

Food for Life!

  • Elizabeth Minchilli in Rome
  • Manger
  • Once Upon a Chef
  • The Everyday French Chef

Literary Spaces

  • A Striped Armchair
  • Dolce Bellezza
  • Lit Salad
  • Living with Literature
  • Marks in the Margin
  • So Many Books
  • The Millions

the Garden, the Garden

  • An Obsessive Neurotic Gardener
  • Potager
  • Red Dirt Ramblings

Archives

Categories

  • Far Away Places
  • Good Reads
  • Home Restoration
  • In the Garden
  • In the Kitchen
  • Life at Home
  • Mesta Park
  • Prayer
  • Soul Care
  • The Great Outdoors
  • Writing

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • an everyday life
    • Join 89 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • an everyday life
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...