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an everyday life

an everyday life

Category Archives: Soul Care

The Right Thing

26 Saturday Jun 2010

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Soul Care

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Everyday Life, Home Restoration, Truth

“It’s always the right time to do the right thing.”  – President Tom McDaniel, Oklahoma City University

Life would have been easier had the contractors I hired attended the same school of thought as Tom McDaniel.  Instead, I’ve done well to keep my cool and keep my head up, to avoid drowning in the whine and waves of contractor excuses.

Oh… the stories I could tell.  But better yet… are the stories my contractors have told me; stories of the fictional sort, the type Mom would probably have called “lies.”

My favorite is the tale of an imaginary wreck on Interstate 40, complete with the gory details of how a male passenger, not wearing his seat belt, had propelled through the windshield when the woman driver he was riding with ran into a trash truck stalled in the right lane.  Believing it was true, I sympathized with him, wondering if seeing such reality had affected his ability to sleep.  “Oh, yes,” he told me.  “But what are you going to do?”

I scoured for news of this wreck for several days, looking at the state highway patrol online records as well as local newspapers, before realizing I’d been had.  Nary a word was found.  Nada, I tell you.  So like the mother I am, the next time I spoke with my nightmare plagued contractor, I told him so.  I wasn’t ugly.  I didn’t accuse.  I didn’t have to. I let the truth speak for itself, by telling him I’d been unable to find a word about the tragic traffic accident that had left him so shaken, that caused him such fear in driving to my sister’s house.   And wisely, faced with the truth, my contractor didn’t say a word.

When it comes to contractors, the blame game is alive and well in my everyday life.  There are all sorts of creative excuses for not doing the right thing.  Here’s one:   The right tools and equipment are not available.  This was recently used by our remediation company for not supplying us with a humidifier to dry out our basement.  When our insurance company adjuster discovered their shortfall two days later,  one was magically found and brought.  Unfortunately, it was too little, too late — mold had already begun to grow, and my husband spent Father’s Day tearing out sheet rock and HVAC duct insulation — the outcome hoped to be prevented by the humidifier.

Here’s another one.  “The painters did it.”  This was used by one of my sister’s floor refinishing guys, when he was told to clean up spilled polyurethane on my sister’s front porch.  Of course, the poor guy didn’t realize that my sister and I were the painters he was accusing — at least not until I enlightened his boss, who most likely shared the horrible truth to the troops at the front line.

My husband informs me that this is what general contractors do — that they listen and sift through stories for nuggets of the truth, that they wisely get to the bottom of finger-pointing blame games, setting all things right in the end.  In other words, general contractors are the mother hens of a job, magically pulling rabbits out of hats.

And that, my friends, is where my sister’s house is these days:  it’s the white rabbit.  My sister’s house is the amazing “I-can’t-believe-my-eyes” transformation, that if it wanted to, could become a star on HGTV.  All that remains on the inside is a little more painting, which we hope to finish by Wednesday.

This week, with a floor refinishing crew inside, I’ve been on extension ladders painting outside.   Well… not just me; it’s been a holy trinity with a small “t”” — of God, Purdy and me.

That’s where I was on Tuesday afternoon, moments before getting the call that Amy, my son’s girlfriend, was in the ER.  And for me, the right thing was no longer painting with God and Purdy.  Instead, it was making sure that Bryan and Amy had the benefit of my presence if it was needed or desired.  And though I’m not sure my presence fell in either category, they nevertheless allowed me to come sit by Amy’s hospital bedside anyway.

Sitting there, it became clear that Amy would recuperate better with folks who could watch over her.  So she came to stay with us for a few days.  And instead of mothering contractors, I mothered a sick adult child, which was so much more satisfying.  Amy’s father thanked me, though there was no need.  Not only was it my joy — it was the right thing to do.

Parting Gifts

29 Thursday Apr 2010

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Soul Care

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Death, Everyday God, Everyday Life, Parents, Soul Care

I can’t sleep.  My  mind is whirling with thoughts and images of the last few days.  I need to park them somewhere and here is as good a place as any.

Dad died Sunday.  That you know.  Leading up to the moment of Dad’s death, it was a hard three days.   It’s difficult to watch a loved one suffer.  But even in the laboring for life and death, there are gifts of grace.  These I wish to record for posterity.

The first occurred Saturday afternoon.  My brother and sister had gone out to bring back lunch, leaving me behind.  Dad liked having someone sit on his bed, someone to hold his left hand.  So this was where I was — holding Dad’s hand through the scary parting.

Dad’s eyes were open.  It had been almost two days since he had closed them.  Most of the time, Dad fixed his eyes on some faraway point.  I followed his gaze more than once to bump into the popcorn ceiling above his bed.  His gaze seemed to extend beyond what I could see.  I feel certain of this, for twice, once with Christi on Friday afternoon and another with all of us Saturday morning, Dad pointed toward the ceiling.  With his free right hand reaching up, index finger extended out, Dad pointed at specific spots on the ceiling, his hand moving from right to left.  Christi asked Dad, “Do you see Mom?”  “Do you see Pugsley?”  “Sherlock, maybe?”  The last two were favored dogs, and anyone who knows Daddy, knows how much Daddy loved his dogs.

On Saturday, as Dad was gazing out beyond the popcorn ceiling, I leaned down to Dad’s face, and whispered, “Daddy, I wish I knew what you are thinking — and what you are gazing at so intently.  But since you aren’t able to share with me, I have something important I need to share with you.”

Looking back on it, I’m surprised at how quickly my words wrestled Dad’s attention back to me and this wonderful world in which we call home. Dad squeezed my hand, as if to let me know that he was ‘all ears,” his way to let me know that he was ready to listen when I was ready to talk.

“Daddy.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  But if death should come to separate us, I want you to know that the love we share will never die, that the love we have for one another will flow into eternity.  The other thing I want to say is this:  Daddy, I will watch over Christi and Jon for you.  I will do my best to support them through the ‘thick and thins’ of life.  But I know I won’t support Jon with money.  Your experiences have taught me that gifts of money hold no solutions for Jon.”  At this, and at one point before, Dad squeezed my hand.  I felt at peace and sensed Dad’s peace as well.

I had thought that would be my final gift to Dad.  I was wrong.  That came yesterday, when I put aside my introverted nature, and presided over my father’s funeral.  It was too important to leave in the hands of one who didn’t know him.  So with the help of my four children, who each took a part, with the help of my brother, who collected a set of old tunes that my Father loved, and with the unscripted memories of more than a handful of others, including my sister who shared her own, we said goodbye to Daddy.   We paid tribute to the man I liked to call “best daddy in the world.”

A few came up afterwords to say how proud Daddy would have been of me.  But here’s the thing:  Daddy was always proud of me, even when there was no reason to be and even when there was reason not to be.   It will be this that I will cling to in the days ahead.  And maybe this Louis Armstrong song, which began Dad’s graveside service yesterday.  For truly, we live everyday life in a wonderful world.  Our time here is short.  But surely that other side — the one that lives beyond the popcorn ceiling– is wonderful too.  At least, based on Daddy’s witness.

A Candlelit Path

19 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Janell in Prayer, Soul Care

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Everyday God, Everyday Life, HeartPaths Spirituality Centre, Prayer, Soul Care

“Give me a candle of the Spirit, O God,
as I go down into the deep of my own being.
Show me the hidden things.
Take me down to the spring of my life,
and tell me my nature and my name.
Give me freedom to grow so that I may become my true self –
the fulfillment of the seed which you planted in me at my making.
Out of the deep, I cry unto thee, O God.”   Amen
— George Appleton

Sitting on a hard plastic chair that night, in the basement of St. Luke’s Methodist Church, I did not know that I had ‘signed up’ to uncover my true self.    I had no particular interest in that bit of fact-finding.   My purpose was much simpler:  I came to pray.  That’s all.  I came to pray and to meet people who also desired nothing more than to pray.

As with most of everyday life, we get more or less than we bargain for.  In my experience as a student at HeartPaths Spirituality Centre, I received more.   It began that first night, reciting that first printed prayer of George Appleton’s with a few others — a small community of students and two leaders — from the first of many handouts I would come to receive as a student at HeartPaths.

Every HeartPaths session begins by lighting a candle.  The lit candle symbolizes the light of God.   Candlelight shimmers soft and invites confidences.  Never is it harsh and circling like a  penetrating searchlight.   Instead, everyone and everything looks better in candlelight.

Candlelight slows life down.  When traveling by candlelight, we tread carefully.  Not every bump in the road is illuminated.  It requires us to sometimes retrace our steps for a missed turn.  Like life itself, candlelight will not clearly define answers  or destinations.  Yet, candlelight bids us forward into the darkness.  As we step in, questions previously covered by darkness grow into recognizable shapes of answers and if not destinations, that at least rest stops along the way.

I have not arrived at my destination of becoming my true self.   The prayer I recited that first night in class is not yet fully answered.  Paradoxically, the more I know about myself, the more I find there is to know.  Does anyone ever arrive at Xanadu?

Yet, with the help of prayer by candlelight, I do know myself better than I did four years ago.  I’ve uncovered both warts and beauty spots.  And in the topsy-turvy truth of life, traits I once viewed as warts I’ve since come to know as beauty spots — and yes, some of those areas I once called beauty spots I’ve found to be nothing more than worldly warts.   But here, I get ahead of myself, as I am apt to do.

Backing up to the start, I see that self-knowledge (and self-acceptance) is where true growth begins.  And as it happens, along the way, I’ve learned that prayer is no more than being yourself before God.

Fancy that.  Looks like I got exactly what I signed up for.  And more.  In worldly terms, this candlelit path was a true bargain.

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