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an everyday life

an everyday life

Category Archives: Life at Home

Word Robbery

10 Tuesday Nov 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Soul Care

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Tags

Death, Everyday Life, Soul Care, Writing

Two days ago, my husband and I came within inches of being broadsided by a car who ran a red light.  It happened just down the street, at the intersection of Northwest 8th and Walker, within easy walking distance of our house.  It’s ironic that I’m always more alert for driving mishaps on the freeway; but when I let down my protective guard so close to home, we almost get nailed in the crossroads of a sleepy intersection.  

I never saw the car coming until it zoomed in front of the nose of our car.  Had we been a second earlier, had the other driver been a second later, had my husband not seen the car coming, had my husband not had such quick reflexes, had our car’s brakes not been so darn good, had the other car not been flying through the intersection so fast, well….   life would be very different.  How different I do not know.  But this I do know:  I never saw the car coming until our car had screeched to a complete stop and the red car blurred across my vision.  It was over in seconds.  I didn’t even have time to be scared.  The driver of the other car didn’t slow until half way up the next block.

Coming into the intersection, I had been chattering about something I can longer remember.  Leaving the intersection, I had no more words.  My husband and I didn’t bother to replay the scene on the way home, or anytime before bed or even yesterday or today; we had no desire to dissect it in post-mortem; instead, my husband voiced his thanks for good brakes, while I voiced thanks for a good driver.

Words become inconsequential when encountering eternity.  Maybe this is why we stumble for words when we visit family or friends who have recently lost a loved one; or why earlier this year, I just kept silent when viewing the Grand Canyon; I wrote then to utter words would merely have been profane.   Driving away unscathed from the intersection Sunday night was something akin to being around death or gazing upon natural wonders.  Both rob you of words.

What else can I tell about this?  To write anymore will shrink the experience.  Words fail me mightily.

The Good Old Days

09 Monday Nov 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Birthdays, Carly Simon, Cattlemen's Steak House, Coming Aroung Again, Everyday Life, OKC Dining Out, Parents, Raising Children, Writing

My husband and I paused everyday life last night to mark the birthday of my first-born.  I’ve been a mother thirty-one years now; if you’re wondering, it seems every bit of thirty-one years, as I think on all the intervening events that have marked the passage of time.

We enjoyed a fine dinner in a nostalgic red leather booth at Cattleman’s Steakhouse, Oklahoma’s only claim to fame in the travel book, 1000 Places to See Before you Die. 1000 things Life does have a way of coming fast and furious, especially in your thirty-something years.  By day Kate is a full-time nurse.  By night and day, Kate juggles the competing demands of wants and needs that come with a family of six.

As I listened to her talk, I was struck by how similar Kate’s life was to mine at her age.  Newly married for the second time, her challenging career, her challenging home life with all the children’s activities — well, it’s enough to lose sleep over.  And Kate does.  She mentioned at dinner that she was unable to sleep the night before;  ironically, Kate was watching a television show on travel destinations in the middle of the night.

Though I suffer my fair share of sleepless nights, it’s worse to imagine your children fighting the same battle.   Usually, after an hour of tossing and turning, I get up to read a little.  Or like tonight, when my head is so full of thoughts of Mom’s storage shed and Kate’s birth night, I find it best just to release the spinning thoughts and anchor them to a line of words.  It’s an act of discipline, as if to write is to mutter sleepily….”Now stop your whining.”

I always lost sleep towards the end of a pregnancy.  My mother was living six hours south when I went into labor on a Wednesday night thirty-one years ago.  Kate was born early Thursday morning  — 1:28 am to be precise — and I recall being so tired and sore after it was all over, all I wanted to do was sleep.  Had it not been for the nurses who came in to check on this or that, I would have. 

My parents and sister arrived soon after Kate’s birth.  And Mom stayed behind a week to help me ease into my motherhood groove.  I’ll never forget those first days with Mom and Kate; even now, I can see Mom busy working in the kitchen, helping me with all the laundry  — how can one little baby cause so much dirty laundry?  —  and when all the work was done, Mom kept her hands busy by making a few crafts, including a nice big Christmas stocking for Kate.

I take out the memory of those days again and hold it up to the light.  How young my mother was then — both of us really, though it didn’t seem so with Mom now a grandmother and me now a mother.  Why is it that we never quite see life as it really is, while we are in the midst of living it?  Why does the passage of time and hindsight make the past more clear and even more precious? 

These thoughts remind me of a few words from a Carly Simon tune where she continues to refrain that these are the good old days.  These are words I need to hear and bear in mind as I continue to live my everyday life.  These are the good old days.

Yet, as good as the message is, it’s not a ‘just right’ fit for Kate’s 31st birthday and where she is in life.  Instead, I offer a variation on the same theme, from another Carly tune that I think she’ll recognize.  The words of this song, published in my 31st year, remind that if we’re willing to play the game of LIFE, that second and third chances happen; that the best kind of travel is our own time travel though life; and that seasons and reason to celebrate are always coming around again.  Just like a string of birthdays.

But in the meantime, I hope Kate relishes this one.  Because from where I sat, this birthday is already a good old day.

The Last Scarecrow

08 Sunday Nov 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Death, Everyday Life, Parents

“I would not be just a nuffin’
My head all full of stuffin’
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain.”

                –      The Wizard of Oz

My sister’s working hard to get my parent’s home ready for sale.  Their not-so-old farmhouse sits on a five acre tract of land  that has been in my mother’s family longer than I have.  It’s sad to think that it no longer will be.  But what choice is there?  It’s too much for my sister to manage on her own.

So far, most of Christi’s efforts have been spent on the house, which with the land, are the property’s strongest selling points.  Sitting on the liability side of the balance sheet  are the garage and  storage building.  Both are  stuffed to the gills with who-know’s-what; all of which must be removed, as either building on its own has the potential to scare off buyers.   

The storage building was the foundation of Mom’s long-held dream of running a little gift store just steps from her front door.  Most didn’t think it would survive so far from town, and ultimately, the naysayers proved right.  The store soon closed its doors and the building became a convenient place to store all of Mom’s supplies and her very raw materials. 

Mom was crafty.  If anyone could turn the yards and yards of fabric and lace and all the broken furniture and other junk into treasure, Mom was one to do it; of course, it would have helped had Mom lived longer, bought less or if Mom had enjoyed some of the nine lives of the scary cat who  once called the storage building home. 

One of the last crafts Mom made for me was a four-foot scarecrow.  Like most of Mom’s work, the scarecrow was made from scratch,  —  a little fabric, raffia, rope, paint and stuffing — all from her storehouse of clutter.  When it was finished, Mom dressed it in one of Dad’s old shirts and a pair of Dad’s old soft blue jeans.  I once thought this scarecrow that hangs out in my foyer in the autumn months was Mom’s last scarecrow.  However, I now see this honored title rightfully belongs to the storage building of my sister’s scary inheritance.

It was the storage building, and my sister’s talk of demolition, that drove my husband and I to visit yesterday;  we came not to actually begin the work of  heavy lifting, but to assess and make plans on where and how to help.  The questions are many; while the clutter makes it hard to stumble upon the right answer.

Is demolishing the best alternative for my parent’s storage building?  Or would it be better to rent huge dumpsters to fill and haul away what anyone in their right mind would call junk or trash?  Maybe a new buyer might find a use for a clean empty building in need of repairs and a makeover; and if not, perhaps the building could be demolished at some later date or even given away.

This last option was Mom’s oldest brother’s plan of attack; Uncle Bob discussed it with my sister a few months after Mom’s passing, then led the charge to clean up my mother’s storage building.  The family crew that gathered in the wintery cold worked hard to fill one huge dumpster with outside debris.  And once the front door was cleared of a rotting front porch, did they, like us, open the door to become quickly overwhelmed?

If so, my aunt wasn’t put off for long.  Aunt Georgia returned to enter those doors and rummage through some of the scraps of Mom’s dreams.  One treasure hunt led her to find a baby book of mine — one I never recall seeing before —  the sort that records family trees and a registry of hospital visitors.  But its surprise appearance has made me wonder what other family memorabilia might be hiding within Mom’s last scarecrow.

Deciding how best to proceed will require a careful balancing act, one that weighs matters of both heart and mind.  If only I didn’t have this tendency to get distracted by clutter and matters of the heart.  If only I had a brain…  If I only had a brain.

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