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an everyday life

an everyday life

Author Archives: Janell

Unplugged

19 Tuesday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Good Reads, Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care

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Books, Everyday Life, Parents, Soul Care, The Sacrament of the Present Moment, Writing

No hubby.  No Iggy.  But I still have Daddy. 

Just last week, Daddy looked like he was ready to quit this world.   His right leg was dragging behind him and his head was at half-mast, resting on his shoulder.  Christi, again suspecting a stroke, called for sibling backup, because it takes three of us to get Daddy’s incredibily shrnking body and spirit to the doctor.    A few days later, and one steriod shot and two maintenance drugs subtracted, Dad is more like Dad’s old self, albiet five pounds lighter.   And while still disconnected with dementia, Daddy is at least plugged in to life, again his normal anxious self, and again trying to communicate with the world, but for that tied up tongue of his.

Meanwhile, I’ve come unplugged.  I’ve had no interest in writing.  So I haven’t.  I went to a party on Sunday and moved about the room not really connecting with anyone.  I was just a bystander, watching the parade of a party go by,  as I cut cake and served it.  Then I came home incredibly sad. 

I wrote about it during Examen.  But I never got underneath the feeling to discover its source.  I was curious, but not so curious that I wanted to work for the answer.  Ignatius calls it desolation.  But whatever it’s label, I think I know a little more about how Daddy feels trapped in his body that leaves him disconnected from his world.  And I think Daddy is sad about this, just as I was sad.  And being sad is so exhausting.

The party day happened to fall on my twenty-third wedding anniversary.  Both my husband and I forgot it.  I think being disconnected from each other, separated by twenty-four days of time and thirteen time zones fosters forgetfulness.  My daughter Kara reminded me, so I dashed off a sad little email wishing Don a happy anniversary — it still was here, though thirteen hours in the future, it was no longer our anniversary when Don opened it a few minutes later.  When we fnally connected twelve hours later, Don wished me a happy anniversary, still thinking it was, not realizing he was a day late, his first in twenty-three years.  It was sort of comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one disconnected.

I also miss my morning Ignatius exercises, though I’m now reading bits and pieces of  ‘spiritual writings’ in the same time slot.   A little bit of this, and a  little bit of that, like a bee buzzing around way too many flowers.  I’ve sipped a little Evelyn Underhill, more of  of Thomas Merton, less of St. Augustine, and have finally landed on Jean-Pierre de Caussade’s The Sacrament of the Present Moment.  

It seems good medicine for a person unplugged.

Steel Magnolia

13 Wednesday May 2009

Posted by Janell in In the Garden, Mesta Park, Soul Care, The Great Outdoors

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Everyday Life, Magnolia Trees, Mesta Park, Oklahoma Gardening, Writing

With my husband out of town for what seems like forever, I’m reduced to keeping up with local weather forecasts on my own. 

So having done my homework before tuning in, I was surprised to be awakened at 2 a.m. last night by the far away sound of  thunder.  A silent minute later, deciding the thunder had been a vivid dream, I settled back into bed, to again hear what sounded like another rumble.  A strong Oklahoma wind, 40 mph whipping down the plain fast, soon had my old windows humming and vibrating.  

Then came the rain.  And memories of twenty years of  tropical storms I had experienced when living ten miles from the Texas coast were reawakened to rest along side me.  Remembering the damage of tropical winds, I half expected to wake up  a downed Magnolia tree in our backyard this morning.  Soggy soil and strong wind proved a deady combination for many huge Texas trees.  And our old Magnolia tree is not doing well. 

In the last  three year’s, our poor tree has been put through something akin to the tree world’s trials of Job.  Its first three bruisings came compliments of the Oklahoma weather rollercoaster.   Three yeasrs ago, our State was in the midst of a long drought.  As luck woud have it, the drought was broken briefly the day we moved in, by a  light Methodist sprinkle of water falling from the sky.  Though not a Baptist dunking, it did a fine job of baptizing us into our new life in Mesta Park.  

Our  first  summer proved a scorcher, with many broken record days of over 100 degree heat.   And our poor old Magnolia just suffered  since I didn’t know to  give it a slow and long weekly drink.  The following  summer we experienced a monsoon, when the entire month of June was one big rainy day.  Then six months later, we were crippled by freezing rain that ended up damaging and felling many old trees that in turn took out the neighborhood power lines.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget the arrival of the Oklahoma National Guard in front of our house, who chainsawed and stacked the remains of a fallen limb, that once reached across the street from a neighbor’s gorgeous American Elm.  The limb itself was large enough to completely cutoff traffic.  Our Magnolia lost a few limbs and more than a few branches and like the other trees of the neighborhood, has looked a little crippled ever since.

Then last summer, as if the Oklahoma weather hadn’t done enough to kick this old  tree around, we gave it another beating by beginning our backyard construction project, distrubing  the tree’s root system.  After the damage was done I learned that Magnolia’s, more than most, just hate to have their feet messed with.  But so far, it lives.

May and June brings a lot of leaf drop on Magnolia trees in Oklahoma.  And while everyday is a leaf drop sort of day for a Magnolia, the tree absolutley rains leaves four weeks a year, even without wind.  This past week I’ve collected a full grocery sack every day.   And the transformation has been incredible — two weeks ago our tree had so many off color leaves it looked sick with yellow fever, while today its mostly a waxy green shiny.  

Magnolia leaf drop, which leaves a tree a little naked and exposed, is nature’s way of preparing the tree for its season of blooms.  Beneath all those yellow leaves on my old tree, were creamy Magnolia blooms waiting for their moment in the sun.  And I absolutely love Magnolia blooms.  Even now, one is partially opened with a bee  circling it madly, but kept from its vocation by the still strong Oklahoma wind. 

I pray our tree will prove a survivor just like that one down the street at the Murrah Memorial.  Two more years may tell whether its out of the woods.  And in the meantime, I’ll just watch the blooms unfold and tend to the tree’s needs, as best as I can, as this old Job steels itself for another long hot summer.  And while the tree wrestles with God for new life, I’ll just pick up its old cast-offs, offer it long and slow refreshing summer drinks, and let it soak in some Epsom Salts over the winter. 

And  unlike Job’s friends, I’ll attend its wounds in silence.

Old Fashioned Hospitality

10 Sunday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Aging, Everyday Life, Writing

Today reminded me of times spent at Granny’s, when she appeared to have nothing more pressing than conversing with those who dropped by for a visit.  It didn’t matter who came– a cousin from ‘the City’ or a niece from McAlester or even one of us grandchildren – Granny dropped whatever just to visit and make her guest feel welcome.

We no longer live in a society where people pause in the act of everyday life to load up the car for a Sunday drive and visit.  Except today felt something akin to the memory of those days.  And it fell out of Kara’s careful planning of a surprise Mother’s Day Brunch — pulling my four adult children and their two spouses together —  that grew into a gift that kept giving, as Kate and Glen came by the house with two grands in tow.  I hadn’t seen Jackson in several months, and just like a grandmother should, I told him he’d grown a few inches since I’d last laid eyes on him.  And Karson – one can never know what will come out of that child’s mouth –today it was her views on home grown lettuce.

Three of my four children left with leaf lettuce picked fresh from my vegetable garden.  Karson helped me pick and gather the lettuce I was sending home with her mom.  But as soon as we came in, while I was off in the kitchen bagging up the lettuce, Karson snuck off to whisper to her mom behind my back a dire warning not to eat the lettuce…coz she’d saw Nana pull it out of the dirt!  Isn’t it lovely that mothering can come in all shapes and sizes that even a five-year can mother her thirty year old mom on what not to eat? 

I’ve been a grandmother for almost ten years now.  And today, for the first time ever, I felt less like a mother and more like a grandmother, which I believe has more to do with attiude than age.  My days of motherhood were defined by fullness, by putting too much on my plate.  But today had such an easy spaciousness about it, with nothing more on my plate than whatever life happened to serve  up in the present moment.

Just like a grandmother should, I offered drinks and ice cream and old fashioned hospitality, so my callers left knowing that in my world, they hung the moon.  So when Karson wanted to play with the boy’s train set, I dropped everything to go bring it up from the basement.  When Karson wanted a scrambled egg and toast, I became her short order cook.  And when Jackson wanted to play his new Monopoly-Dogopoly game, we three adults cleared the dining room table to make room for a good old-fashioned, if slightly updated, board game.

And you know what?  Today I was top dog.

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