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an everyday life

Tag Archives: Writing

Help!

25 Monday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Far Away Places, Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Aging, Everyday Life, Parents, Raising Children, Writing

 “You know I need someone.  Help.”   —  John Lennon

 

CIMG0541aOut walking the neighborhood this morning, the dogs and I came across an orange construction cone.  On top rested a work glove.   A quick look at the road revealed no obvious need for the cone  and as for the work glove, who but God knows.  But the combination was sheer poetry that spoke to my current state.

Until Dad was admitted to the hospital early Friday, I’ve kept a two-person lifestyle afloat while my better half has been hard at work in Beijing.  To be sure, it’s been a tightrope balancing act for these past five weeks, to manage everyday life on the Mesta Park home front while pulled to Shawnee on a host of planned and unplanned emergency trips to help care for Daddy.

One day Dad looks pretty good, the next not so, though his body is all the time being pumped full with antibiotics and steroids to cure this undiagnosed infection.   I look him in the eyes and tell him he’s the best daddy in the world.  And he knows I mean it, as his eyes and my own fill with tears.    

Daddy can’t help that his floundering health comes at a darn inconvenient time.   Nor can I help that my neediness has seeped out in the last few days to impinge on the lives of my children, as they’ve been asked to don a pair of work gloves to help keep the pieces of my life running if not smooth, at least rough.  But, boy do I hate to ask for help, even from those I love best in the world.  Call it pride.  Call it, as St. Paul wrote, ‘regarding others better than myself.’  Maybe its a bit of both.  But as Mama use to say about money, help doesn’t just ‘grow on trees,’  and I wonder whether a true desire of helping can even be sown into the hearts and minds of others.

God knows I tried in my own children, for my own version of a ‘mama use to say’ — Do your best and think of others— was spouted off to the kids so often I bet they just turned off the spigot, back when the boys were still in elementary school and the girls were at the age where they’d begun to realize it was they that ‘knew it all’ while poor ‘ole Mom knew squat nothing.   Perhaps my spouting words merely reflected how I wanted to be myself, for while some people are natural born helpers, the rest of us just flounder amidst inadequacy and confusion. 

And the words we speak to excuse ourselves.  They’d be funny if they weren’t so sad and didn’t hit so close to home. “Well, I would have helped … had I’d known you needed help… if I weren’t so busy and had more time… or…if I knew what I could do.  At one time or another, I’ve worn all these gloves.  I mean hats.  Or in the case of my construction conehead I saw this morning, I’ve worn all these glove -hats.

But I wonder if the best teacher of altruism isn’t  adversity, as several from an older and more gracious generation made a point to let my sister and I know of their willingness to help… however we needed.  I’m told my maternal grandfather began to get his own breakfast — and that of my grandmother’s — after Granny suffered a mild stroke in 1962.   That would be seventeen years of breakfasts, before Granddad passed in 1979.  My mother’s family tend to speak more with actions than words, so I don’t imagine any words related to the new breakfast protocol were ever spoken.  Together they hit a bump in the road and together my grandparents compensated with their own sort of  detour, one that worked for them, even if it meant my grandfather had to do a bit of  ‘women’s work’ in the way of love.  

And how is it that, in the mysterious ways of love and of actions speaking louder than words, that I’ve just received word  that my husband is on his way home?  Two days early.  His work has hit an unexpected detour of its own. 

So help is on the way in the best way.  By the one who loves me most, outside of God.  And what more is there to say?  But this.  Thank God. 

A Black & White World

21 Thursday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Tags

Aging, Babysitting, Everyday Life, Parents, Writing

DSC04476_resizeKarson spent last Saturday night with me, bringing a few clothes tucked into her “Going to Grandma” minature suitcase.  After hurrying through a quick meal from McDonalds — Karson’s gift to  keep me out of the kitchen– we settled into our everyday rhythm of doing what any visit to Nana’s would be  incomplete without.

First, we played house in Karson’s basement stairwell kitchen.  The sign on the wall — “Karson’s Landing” — says it all.  With help from Kara, alias Aunt “KK”, I painted Karson’s Landing a nice ‘Tuscan Tan’ with heavy accents  of black and white.  But from Karson’s vantage point, the kitchen is mostly a world of black and white as the black trimmed white bead board is taller than her.

I created this space especially for Karson three years ago after running onto a rare find– a 1940s vintage children’s kitchen appliance set– at an antique shop in Sulpur.   My sister donated the cute minature drop leaf table and chair — just Karson-sized–and I outfitted her kitchen with a set of toy pots and pans and groceries.    As with many a gal, a little cooking goes a long way, so we soon closed the kitchen to move onto greener pastures.  

But the pastures weren’t green at all.  Instead they were black and white, from a favorite movie that tells the story of a young girl named Dorothy caught up in a twister with her little dog Toto too.  Up until a year ago, I had black Scottie dogs, so I think in Karson’s vivid imagination, I play the part of Aunt Em while she of course is Dorothy.  Karson even has her own pair of ‘ruby red slippers’ — purchased by this Nana Em — that she pulled out of her minature suitcase in anticipation of the big moment when Dorothy receives her slippers from the good witch.      

Karson’s favorite part of the movie is the black and white portion set in Kansas.  Once Dorothy puts on her ruby slippers — and once Karson slips on hers–  Karson and Dorothy part ways.  While Dorothy wanders down the yellow brick road, Karson’s eyes wander to other lands to be explored.  This time it was to another land of black and white, as her eyes fell on an old photo of Dad and Aunt Carol, taken in 1942, when they were just twelve and seven respectively.  Frozen in time and forever young, the two solemn children stand near a big tree and a stark two story house with two other young children.  

Karson picked up the photo and exclaimed, “These children live in the same color of world that Dorothy lives in.”   “Oh, that’s very true,” said this wizened not-so-old Nana.  “This photograph was taken a short while after “The Wizard of Oz”  first played on the silver screen.”  

Karson never asked me to explain what a silver screen was, but she wanted to know all about the children who happened to live in a black and white world like Dorothy’s.  I picked up the old photo and pointed out the oldest boy.  “That’s my daddy when he was twelve.”   Then I told Karson that the girl standing next to him was his sister and that the younger children in front of them were cousins.  I carefully removed the photo from its silver frame, remembering that just three years ago, I had written the names and the year the snapshot was taken, after posing my own version of Karson’s questions to Daddy.  I wish Karson could have known Daddy when he was younger, even just three years ago younger, because like her, Daddy’s just a dreamer, who enjoyed a good escape to the black and white world of old movies. 

My son Kyle wrote a piece about Daddy’s love of vintage movies in his first creative writing assignment, while in high school.  A copy of the short piece — titled “His Old Movie” — now rests on Daddy’s headboard.  As with most writers, Kyle is not especially enamored with his own writing and it took encouragement from others for Kyle to share his tribute with Daddy.  But while Kyle is not so taken with the words, I think Daddy took right to them, since the paper has that crumpled look of being read many times.  

Even now, Kyle’s last paragraph of “His Old Movie” ties up the loose ends of my own writing in a way that only Kyle can do, and in a way I hope Karson will someday echo. 

“Home is good; but, there is something about my grandparent’s house that can’t be found anywhere else.  I always look forward to coming here for Christmas, to the family, to the sirloin steaks, and perhaps to another night in the world of black and white.”

Unplugged

19 Tuesday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Good Reads, Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Books, Everyday Life, Parents, Soul Care, The Sacrament of the Present Moment, Writing

No hubby.  No Iggy.  But I still have Daddy. 

Just last week, Daddy looked like he was ready to quit this world.   His right leg was dragging behind him and his head was at half-mast, resting on his shoulder.  Christi, again suspecting a stroke, called for sibling backup, because it takes three of us to get Daddy’s incredibily shrnking body and spirit to the doctor.    A few days later, and one steriod shot and two maintenance drugs subtracted, Dad is more like Dad’s old self, albiet five pounds lighter.   And while still disconnected with dementia, Daddy is at least plugged in to life, again his normal anxious self, and again trying to communicate with the world, but for that tied up tongue of his.

Meanwhile, I’ve come unplugged.  I’ve had no interest in writing.  So I haven’t.  I went to a party on Sunday and moved about the room not really connecting with anyone.  I was just a bystander, watching the parade of a party go by,  as I cut cake and served it.  Then I came home incredibly sad. 

I wrote about it during Examen.  But I never got underneath the feeling to discover its source.  I was curious, but not so curious that I wanted to work for the answer.  Ignatius calls it desolation.  But whatever it’s label, I think I know a little more about how Daddy feels trapped in his body that leaves him disconnected from his world.  And I think Daddy is sad about this, just as I was sad.  And being sad is so exhausting.

The party day happened to fall on my twenty-third wedding anniversary.  Both my husband and I forgot it.  I think being disconnected from each other, separated by twenty-four days of time and thirteen time zones fosters forgetfulness.  My daughter Kara reminded me, so I dashed off a sad little email wishing Don a happy anniversary — it still was here, though thirteen hours in the future, it was no longer our anniversary when Don opened it a few minutes later.  When we fnally connected twelve hours later, Don wished me a happy anniversary, still thinking it was, not realizing he was a day late, his first in twenty-three years.  It was sort of comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one disconnected.

I also miss my morning Ignatius exercises, though I’m now reading bits and pieces of  ‘spiritual writings’ in the same time slot.   A little bit of this, and a  little bit of that, like a bee buzzing around way too many flowers.  I’ve sipped a little Evelyn Underhill, more of  of Thomas Merton, less of St. Augustine, and have finally landed on Jean-Pierre de Caussade’s The Sacrament of the Present Moment.  

It seems good medicine for a person unplugged.

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