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an everyday life

an everyday life

Tag Archives: Soul Care

Two Women’s Circles

10 Friday Jul 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Soul Care

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Everyday Life, Friends, Soul Care, Writing

In the crazy way that life works out, it was me who needed the break from Everyday God.  What has been exciting and fulfilling on the one hand has left me weary and needing rest on the other.  So last Wednesday, we gathered to wrap-up this leg of our shared journey.  And to discuss our next steps.    

It seems that this little bit of spiritual food I served each week to a small group of women has whet their appetites for more.  It’s a good sign that they are not ready for it to end, though I know that part of Everyday God’s appeal is that it allows folks to just show up, without the need for advance preparation.   Life is way too busy for most to add to their already full plates, though the desire is often there.  

What ever happened to those lazy days of summer?  Was it just a childhood myth that evaported into thin air as we grew into adults?  Thinking back to my Granny’s life, during the years  Granddad was growing acres of fresh vegatables and melons, summers were anything but lazy, as Granny and Aunt Jane were always busy canning tomatoes or green beans or whatever for Granny’ pantry. 

Memories of those hot summer days were preserved not so long ago that they are still easily recalled.  Most days I drove my 1972 Camaro back and forth to a TG&Y Family Center where I worked in Oklahoma City.  But whenever I had a day off, I would normally spend it in Granny’s country kitchen.  I was never much help though I grew tired anyway, just from watching  Granny and Jane work.

Granny’s kitchen was cooled by a big south window, so canning activities always took place in the morning before the kitchen grew unbearably hot.  In the evening, they’d take their work outside where they could catch a cool breeze — and beneath a big Pecan tree just outside Granny’s kitchen–Granny and Jane and whoever else happened to drop by or responded to their invitation would pull up an old metal chair to rest their weay bones as they husked corn or snapped green beans or shelled black-eyed peas.  And with busy hands, they would simply visit about everyday life.

I pulled up my motel chair every chance I got, partly because it was just lovely to be in the midst of this group of women and partly because I never knew what would come out of their mouths.  Sometimes a little bit of gossip, but more often than not, it would be a story from their own everyday lives.  Past and present.   

“Hey, did you hear…..?”     Before the complete story could be told, one aunt would cut the other off in mid-stream.  “Oh no.  That’s not what I heard…”   Then quickly… “Well, what did you hear?  And so  it went.  My two aunts held jobs in the midst of a thrving downtown, which pretty much made them authorities on the entire town’s doings.  As the Aunts battled over their talk of town, Granny would listen quietly as she battled her arthritic hands to finish her evening’s allotment of vegtables. 

The Circle from my past was interested in preserving food for the table while this Circle from my present is focused on food for the Spirit.  Yet both are bound together by a shared interest in getting to the truth of each other’s everyday life stories.  And this bit of shared thread is one that invites me to continue pulling up my chair to this newest  Circle in my life.  Perhaps, after three years and five hundred miles since belonging to my last, I may be finally finding my own seat within a new circle of chairs.   Time, as they say, always tells the story.  For now, I know our Everyday God Circle has agreed to meet monthly, where we will share the load of telling the Story and together, will listen to each other’s life. 

I look forward to playing the part of Granny at August’s gathering of circled chairs.   

The Quiet Supper Club

28 Sunday Jun 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Soul Care

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Tags

Aging, Everyday Life, Friends, Nursing Home Life, Parents, Soul Care, Travel, Writing

Last Tuesday I had an urge to see Daddy.  So I broke my fast and fired up the Mini Cooper before I could talk myself out of  the 100 mile round trip between here and Seminole.  

It was one of those needs that make no earthly sense.  I had just seen Dad on Father’s Day two days before.  And I’d already made plans to see Dad two days later.  Earlier in life, with these facts in either hand, I would have dismissed this mysterious urge out of hand, convincing myself it would keep for a couple of days.  But no more.  These days I find life simpler to attend to needs as they arise –even those nagging thoughts that wake me in the middle of the night–rather than let my heart and mind do battle over that which defies reasonable explanation.   

I arrived in time for supper, though no food had yet been served.  As I walked into the dining room and over to the far corner to the only U-shaped feeding table in the room, I found four familiar wheel-chaired occupants waiting patiently for their supper.  All were looking down, until I put my hand on Daddy’s shoulder and leaned down to kiss his cheek.  As his face broke into a smile, so did a few others around the table.    

Daddy shares this table with three women.  Audrey and Marie, in better and younger days, were LPNs.  Miss Alpha, sittng on Daddy’s right, was once the proprietor of a women’s dress shop in Seminole.  Dad sat at his assigned spot, between Marie and Miss Alpha.  The inside of the U was still vacant.  But later, an aide would be there to spoon feed, cut up food and otherwise assist those sitting on the outside of the U.

I’ve learned that the aide is not the only caregiver in permanent residence at the table.  Marie, the former LPN that sits to Daddy’s left, does her best to watch over Daddy.  She and the rest of her dining companions may be people of few words, but still waters do have a way of running deep.  And out of a deep caring for others, Marie misses very little.  Marie surprised me a week ago by telling me that Daddy always eats better when I’m there to help.  I don’t think she shared this to make me feel guilty for the times I’m not there.  It was just her way of  letting me know the nitty gritty truth of Daddy’s life.  

But last night, Daddy ate with such relish and nary a strangle that it caused Marie and I to wonder at the miracle of it all, as a mere week ago it had been just the opposite.  Unbeknownst to Daddy, who was so engrossed in the task of feeding himself, Marie and I caught each others eye and shared this moment of pure joy together.  There was plenty of joy worth sharing, though Miss Alpha wasn’t in the mood to partake.   Being the newest member of this quiet supper club, Miss Alpha is the most withdrawn, and in more ways that just her drawn-in posture.  Her spine is so curved that her head is always bent toward her chest, like a little bird tucked into her feather bed for the night.  

Last Tuesday I wondered if Miss Alpha was grieving a way of life that no longer is.  And I felt a strong desire to let her know that she was welcomed into this quiet supper club.  So I asked Miss Alpha how she was doing–and as best as she could, Miss Alpha raised her head to acknowledge my polite interest–and without any fanfare, said, “I can’t complain.”

I realized in a moment that all the members of the quiet supper club shared a similar bond and sentiment.  None of them complain.  Instead, they bear their diminished bodies and minds with quiet dignity.  And without need for words, they support one another through thick and thin, perhaps with a look of concern across the table or by a quick grasp of two hands waiting to be held by my daddy. 

It strikes me that while these four sit on the outside of the U, it’s the rest of us — the aides and visitors like me–who are the true outsiders.  And I feel honored to be welcomed at their table; which in part, may be be why I whispered a sweet nothing into Daddy’s ear last week when he was strangling on every bite, to let him know that there was no place in the world I’d rather be than there with him. 

With the benefit of hindsight, I see that my urge that made no earthly sense had very little to do with earthly notions.  And though I hadn’t taken a bite, my spur-of-the-moment Tuesday visit left me with the sweetest, lingering sense and foretaste of  heaven.

Flying Pants

18 Thursday Jun 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home, Soul Care

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Childhood Memories, Everyday God, Everyday Life, Faith, Soul Care, Spiritual Formation Class, St. Luke's UMC OKC, Writing

“The waiting is the hardest part. ”  -Tom Petty

My weeks are full, with trips to see Dad, and the care and feed of my spiritual direction related activities, and just normal everyday life.   It’s mostly door number two that’s a time hog.  It leaves me no time to write… except for the spiritual formation class I’m developing for door number two.

Our small group of eight meets on Wednesday evenings.  It’s hard to explain the genesis of this group, except to say that the initial push came out of a need to recruit directees for my spiritual direction practicum.  The writing of lessons has been okay, more or less.  The hardest part has been the development side –the waiting for ideas to magically appear and come together.  I go to bed on Wednesday night, nearly clueless on what next week’s focus will be.  By Friday morning, I have a few ideas.  By Monday, I’m drafting which leaves Tuesday and Wednesday for editing and printing.  

I hate to write toward a deadline.    Yes.  I’m whining.  If I had my way, I would be ahead of the game, with several  lessons in ‘inventory’, a cushion to fall back on in case the creativity craters.   But no.  Instead, the ideas have come just-in-time.  This class, which I’ve called “Everyday God” runs off of  just-in-time inventory — I print the lesson and lead it on the same day.  Yikes.  I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.

I feel like a kid again…flying by the seat of my pants…rather than a big kid who has all her ducks in a row.  I’m pretty sure that this was not what I signed up for.   But last week, driving home after the end of our second class, I experienced this moment of pure joy.   And out of nowhere, came this expression I’ve never said or heard anyone else say:   “Look Ma.  Look Pa.  I’m writing the bicycle of faith!”

Do you remember how hard it was to learn how to ride a bike once the training wheels came off?  You want to be a big kid, but you fear you’re not ready to fly solo.  Then somehow, your parents convince you to give it a go.  And at first you’re excited.  But then you realize you have no idea what this is going to feel like.  But you muscle up some courage to climb up on the seat and start pumping your feet as your dad cheers you on.

It’s not a pretty sight–at best, you look a little drunk, and at  worst, you find youself a crash victim on the sidewalk with a few scrapes and bruises.   But with some experience, something clicks and you begin to get your sense of balance.  And you are so excited because you are flying by the seat of your pants.  And the wind is blowing through your hair and caressing your face, and you are so proud of yourself, and you look back to make sure your daddy is still watching and… ker-plunk.  Darn for that pride and wanting to see someone cheer you on. 

Developing this class has been just like learning to ride a bicycle.  I’m in the wobbly stage right now, but so far no falls.  But each week offers a new test of faith… a different patch of road to explore.  And I don’t know the lay of the land, so a fall may be just around the corner.  And just three weeks into this, I’m sort of ready to park the bicycle.   But don’t misunderstood.  I’m giving it all I have — but I won’t be at all disappointed if the group decides to fold by the middle of July.  In fact, I’m sorta counting on their summer doldrums to kick in.  

Meanwhile, it’s one day at a time and one ride at a time.   I’m trying hard to keep my eyes on the road, trying hard not to look back.  But its Thursday.  Which means I’m waiting for manna from heaven.   

Still waiting.  Hey, anyone up there listenting?

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