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an everyday life

Tag Archives: Aging

A Black & White World

21 Thursday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Aging, Babysitting, Everyday Life, Parents, Writing

DSC04476_resizeKarson spent last Saturday night with me, bringing a few clothes tucked into her “Going to Grandma” minature suitcase.  After hurrying through a quick meal from McDonalds — Karson’s gift to  keep me out of the kitchen– we settled into our everyday rhythm of doing what any visit to Nana’s would be  incomplete without.

First, we played house in Karson’s basement stairwell kitchen.  The sign on the wall — “Karson’s Landing” — says it all.  With help from Kara, alias Aunt “KK”, I painted Karson’s Landing a nice ‘Tuscan Tan’ with heavy accents  of black and white.  But from Karson’s vantage point, the kitchen is mostly a world of black and white as the black trimmed white bead board is taller than her.

I created this space especially for Karson three years ago after running onto a rare find– a 1940s vintage children’s kitchen appliance set– at an antique shop in Sulpur.   My sister donated the cute minature drop leaf table and chair — just Karson-sized–and I outfitted her kitchen with a set of toy pots and pans and groceries.    As with many a gal, a little cooking goes a long way, so we soon closed the kitchen to move onto greener pastures.  

But the pastures weren’t green at all.  Instead they were black and white, from a favorite movie that tells the story of a young girl named Dorothy caught up in a twister with her little dog Toto too.  Up until a year ago, I had black Scottie dogs, so I think in Karson’s vivid imagination, I play the part of Aunt Em while she of course is Dorothy.  Karson even has her own pair of ‘ruby red slippers’ — purchased by this Nana Em — that she pulled out of her minature suitcase in anticipation of the big moment when Dorothy receives her slippers from the good witch.      

Karson’s favorite part of the movie is the black and white portion set in Kansas.  Once Dorothy puts on her ruby slippers — and once Karson slips on hers–  Karson and Dorothy part ways.  While Dorothy wanders down the yellow brick road, Karson’s eyes wander to other lands to be explored.  This time it was to another land of black and white, as her eyes fell on an old photo of Dad and Aunt Carol, taken in 1942, when they were just twelve and seven respectively.  Frozen in time and forever young, the two solemn children stand near a big tree and a stark two story house with two other young children.  

Karson picked up the photo and exclaimed, “These children live in the same color of world that Dorothy lives in.”   “Oh, that’s very true,” said this wizened not-so-old Nana.  “This photograph was taken a short while after “The Wizard of Oz”  first played on the silver screen.”  

Karson never asked me to explain what a silver screen was, but she wanted to know all about the children who happened to live in a black and white world like Dorothy’s.  I picked up the old photo and pointed out the oldest boy.  “That’s my daddy when he was twelve.”   Then I told Karson that the girl standing next to him was his sister and that the younger children in front of them were cousins.  I carefully removed the photo from its silver frame, remembering that just three years ago, I had written the names and the year the snapshot was taken, after posing my own version of Karson’s questions to Daddy.  I wish Karson could have known Daddy when he was younger, even just three years ago younger, because like her, Daddy’s just a dreamer, who enjoyed a good escape to the black and white world of old movies. 

My son Kyle wrote a piece about Daddy’s love of vintage movies in his first creative writing assignment, while in high school.  A copy of the short piece — titled “His Old Movie” — now rests on Daddy’s headboard.  As with most writers, Kyle is not especially enamored with his own writing and it took encouragement from others for Kyle to share his tribute with Daddy.  But while Kyle is not so taken with the words, I think Daddy took right to them, since the paper has that crumpled look of being read many times.  

Even now, Kyle’s last paragraph of “His Old Movie” ties up the loose ends of my own writing in a way that only Kyle can do, and in a way I hope Karson will someday echo. 

“Home is good; but, there is something about my grandparent’s house that can’t be found anywhere else.  I always look forward to coming here for Christmas, to the family, to the sirloin steaks, and perhaps to another night in the world of black and white.”

Old Fashioned Hospitality

10 Sunday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Aging, Everyday Life, Writing

Today reminded me of times spent at Granny’s, when she appeared to have nothing more pressing than conversing with those who dropped by for a visit.  It didn’t matter who came– a cousin from ‘the City’ or a niece from McAlester or even one of us grandchildren – Granny dropped whatever just to visit and make her guest feel welcome.

We no longer live in a society where people pause in the act of everyday life to load up the car for a Sunday drive and visit.  Except today felt something akin to the memory of those days.  And it fell out of Kara’s careful planning of a surprise Mother’s Day Brunch — pulling my four adult children and their two spouses together —  that grew into a gift that kept giving, as Kate and Glen came by the house with two grands in tow.  I hadn’t seen Jackson in several months, and just like a grandmother should, I told him he’d grown a few inches since I’d last laid eyes on him.  And Karson – one can never know what will come out of that child’s mouth –today it was her views on home grown lettuce.

Three of my four children left with leaf lettuce picked fresh from my vegetable garden.  Karson helped me pick and gather the lettuce I was sending home with her mom.  But as soon as we came in, while I was off in the kitchen bagging up the lettuce, Karson snuck off to whisper to her mom behind my back a dire warning not to eat the lettuce…coz she’d saw Nana pull it out of the dirt!  Isn’t it lovely that mothering can come in all shapes and sizes that even a five-year can mother her thirty year old mom on what not to eat? 

I’ve been a grandmother for almost ten years now.  And today, for the first time ever, I felt less like a mother and more like a grandmother, which I believe has more to do with attiude than age.  My days of motherhood were defined by fullness, by putting too much on my plate.  But today had such an easy spaciousness about it, with nothing more on my plate than whatever life happened to serve  up in the present moment.

Just like a grandmother should, I offered drinks and ice cream and old fashioned hospitality, so my callers left knowing that in my world, they hung the moon.  So when Karson wanted to play with the boy’s train set, I dropped everything to go bring it up from the basement.  When Karson wanted a scrambled egg and toast, I became her short order cook.  And when Jackson wanted to play his new Monopoly-Dogopoly game, we three adults cleared the dining room table to make room for a good old-fashioned, if slightly updated, board game.

And you know what?  Today I was top dog.

Survivor

08 Friday May 2009

Posted by Janell in Life at Home

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Aging, ER Visits, Everyday Life, Parents, Writing

My Thursday night dose of reality television was interrupted by real life when my sister called worried about Dad.        

Christi was debating with herself — should she call an ambulance?  Or with the help of our aunt and uncle, pray  she could get Dad safely into bed, and that a new day would bring if not a new Dad, at least something closer to Dad’s old self.

Last night his watery eyes were vacant – to where had Dad’s spirit run away, leaving behind Dad’s poor old shell of a body?  Dad did not respond to words.  He had not eaten supper and it was so unlike Dad not to have his morning coffee in the middle of the afternoon.  To pull Dad together, Christi tried to stand Daddy on his own two feet with the help of my uncle.  But Daddy was too weak — or maybe too divided to stand. 

But just as she did with me, Christi found just the right words to grab Dad’s undivided attention.  Did he need to go to the hospital?  Urgently, Dad shook his head ‘no.’ Daddy may not be in his ‘right’ mind, but even in this worst of times, he had enough wisdom to decline the need.  

So now Christi was calling me for a reality check, probably knowing what I would say, but needing to hear it all the same.  And forty miles safely out of sight of Dad’s pleading eyes, I said all I could think to say.  What choice do we have, sis?  Our family has had more than a few emergency hospital visits.  We know the ER as a scary place of dread and dead, but especially for fragile elderly souls like Dad who do their darned best to hang on to everyday reality.  So, just to make triply sure, we went opinion shopping at Kate’s, before calling the ambulance.   

While Dad was outnumbered three to one, he remained undefeated — even as the ER team was getting Dad ready for his nine o’clock express ride, he was gripping Christi’s hand, pleading for a fourth chance.  I wonder if he feared he would not return home.  Tonight or ever, take your pick.  Both thoughts crossed my own mind.  If only we could save him from this ordeal.  If only Dad’s legs had shown signs of life, we might have let him crawl into bed, just to keep him safe from the pricks and the prods and the questions that he had no hope of answering without my sister’s voice.

But then we had our own fears to calm.  What if Dad had suffered a ‘minor’ stroke?  Would we be doing right by Daddy to keep him from treatment?  Against his wishes, and even our own, we sent him off to the hospital ‘for his own good.’  Of course, we didn’t add insult to injury by speaking these words.  But poor Daddy read our actions loud and clear, and even understood that while love was all behind and running through it, that nothing good would be coming  from this ambulance trip, at least in the short-term.  

Reality is so hard to discern, especially when you’re up to your eyeballs in it, even when it stares you in the face with vacant watery eyes.  But its easier to see where the good and bad calls are in reality television.   And while I may not like the final result of Survivor in a few weeks, I was happy at this morning’s outcome.  Not because I’m sure the ER staff made the right calls, but because I believe we did.   And I like any story where the good guy wins.  And even if its not happily ever after, at least Dad has survived this ER visit to live another day and to sleep another night in his own bed.  And for Daddy, right now, this everyday comfort is better than whatever’s showing on televison.  

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