• About
  • Recipe Index
  • Daddy Oh

an everyday life

an everyday life

Category Archives: Soul Care

Hovering at Half-Mast

06 Tuesday Sep 2011

Posted by Janell in Far Away Places, Home Restoration, Life at Home, Soul Care

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Aging, Home Restoration, Soul Care, Travel

On the road to Utah

As morning temperatures hover at half-mast of summer’s high, I’m wondering how we’ll remember this hottest season on record.

Will it be for the sixty-five days of triple digit temperatures endured since June?  The crop failures?  The cost of hay this fall?  The lawns that look like hay?  The water rationing and surprise visits of city auditors — to ensure we play by the rules?

Or will it be something of a personal nature, hitting closer to the heart?

I imagine the year’s extreme weather patterns will serve as mere backdrop for me, given the upheaval from changing residences.  All the accompanying renovation work, both inside and out, would be a worthy contender for defining this summer — were it not for other half-mast matters closer to life’s quick.

Do I write of them?  No, better not.  Best to skate across their surface and leave them undisturbed.

Needing a change of scenery, we got away last week, though not to either of our original  destinations.  About this time last year we booked a Mediterranean cruise.  Then there was that vacation I dreamed of last autumn and into winter, which would have whisked us to upstate New York — the place of my father’s birth — and to Vermont, where I had just discovered three eighty-something year old cousins.

Interesting how plans — and even people — can shrink and stretch in importance, as we wear out our days on earth.

Without so much as a backward glance, I tossed Greece aside when we purchased this new house, while the trip to New England lost gas as it drew near for take off.  And when it came time to commit, the only vacation I really wanted to take was to Utah, to visit my father’s only sister.

I told my brother in July I had a hankering to see her one more time.  But it was more than that.  Way more — since some mysterious something was urging me toward Utah. One minute I had no desire to go.  And in the next, I was calling Sis and asking her to come with me.  Then asking my husband if he’d like to go too.  And when they both said yes, I called Aunt Carol.  And then before another dream vacation could die stillborn, I shored it up with seven nights of non-refundable accommodations.

This hurried response was born out of ignoring two similar calls before.  The first, four years ago, came the weekend before Mom’s unrecoverable stroke.  Out of the blue, I began to feel uneasy, began sensing a mysterious urge to drop everything to go see her.  But rather than give into the unexplainable, I pushed back with rationalization.  Then, three years later it happened again.   I felt a pull to visit Aunt Jo, a few weeks before her death.  As I drove by her house without stopping.  I had no desire to ignore this thing a third time.  And though it had been years since I’d seen Aunt Carol — until last week, almost a biblical forty — I had to go and see her, even at the risk of a little awkwardness.

Yet, how comforting and safe it feels when we’re around those who’ve loved us from birth.  For in spite of its eternal nature, there’s a tenderness about their love; no matter how many times we fail at life, no matter how long the separation, their love of us endures without judgment.    

On the night of our arrival, she welcomed us with a home cooked meal.  When it came time to leave, she asked us to stay ‘one more day.’  As for the not-so-gooey middle, we filled our visit with stories and photos.  Old ones.  New ones.  Hers.  Ours.  Funny ones, sad ones.  The three days together made the years apart  unimportant — and the visit unforgettable.

Of course, Aunt Carol was far from hovering at half-mast as I feared.  So who knows where that urge to go see her came from or what it was about?   Because she looked good.  She looked happy even, in spite of  many, many reasons not to be.

And what’s more, since coming home, I’m begun to feel a little more like myself — in spite of those few unmentionables flapping in the wind.      

A Garden Legacy

26 Sunday Jun 2011

Posted by Janell in In the Garden, Life at Home, Soul Care, The Great Outdoors, Writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Aging, Everyday Life, Oklahoma Gardening, Soul Care, Writing

Truth be told, acquiring a garden in need —  on a lot twice our slice of Mesta Park  — was part of the charm of this new place we’re calling home.

Too bad I failed to recall how gardening in unamended red dirt is like childbirth; the pain of bringing forth new life in Mesta Park — of amending red clay with compost and peat moss to a twelve-inch depth were memories I forgot too soon, covered up as they were, by three years of keeping company with jaunty faces of thriving plants.

But these gardens do offer consolation — especially with all the hard-scape left behind.  Our large stone patio —  a perfect perch to watch the morning sun rise above the trees — along with ground-level curbing that outlines the perimeter of our backyard fence gardens will someday, when time and weather become more spacious and inviting, become lovely bones to build new gardens around.

Most mornings I’m out back  — in an effort to restore order — before the heat comes.  Working my way around the gardens counterclockwise, I began with the east garden, though I’ve spent more time on the north, where lined up like soldiers, are twelve troops of Crape Myrtles that two weeks ago, were a mass of tangled branches, dead and alive, surrounded by waist-high weeds.  Parasitic vines covered two.  With neither strength nor tools to do more than scratch the surface of the soil around them — three inches is deep in these conditions  — I’ve removed most weeds and vines and reformed the shrubs into the shape of their species.

While my garden legacy is a byproduct of neglect and drought, made worse by a home unoccupied many months, every garden holds hidden joys waiting for notice.  The week before we moved in I noticed my first in a small stand of Hollyhocks blooming on the east side of our property, growing appropriately along an old chain-link fence.  I saw them when beginning to weed out space for the few transplants I brought with me from Mesta Park.

Every morning I watered the Hollyhocks, alongside thirsty transplants —  a few sprigs of Blue-Black Salvia and Russian Sage and a small crop of inch-high Cleome — that rewarded my care, by shriveling up and laying their heads on hot cracked soil.  Had it not been for the Hollyhocks, blooming their long necks off, I may have given up on those transplants, for I felt a mite foolish watering plants which looked dead to the eye.  But underneath there was life and all but a few have survived.  Looking back, I now see the transplants  had only let go of their surface looks to focus energy on rebuilding hidden roots, to regain their balance in soil different than they were accustom.

As I watered, I wondered who to thank for my favorite of all cottage flowers.  I began with my new neighbor — the one who putters around in his own garden with such daily discipline — but he quickly told me the Hollyhocks that we both enjoy came from Marguerite, who lived in the next house east to him.  In her nineties, Marguerite  was one of the few original homeowners left in the neighborhood; when I expressed interest in writing her a note of thanks, my neighbor shared she was under around-the-clock care of others, hinting she was likely in a place beyond reach of any words I might care to write.

Yet the thought of thanking Marguerite did not go away.  I thought of her again as I watered the Hollyhocks a few days ago, which now are mostly spent; though in their place are a few feathery seedlings that have sprung up which surely must be Cosmos.  If so, could these too  have come from Marguerite’s, since Cosmos are so often companions to Hollyhocks.  How many years had these seeds laid beneath the surface, waiting for conditions to ripen?

The question was enough to move me to my computer, to look up the spelling of Marguerite’s name on local property tax records.  One research led to another, and possibly to another, before I uncovered Marguerite’s recent obituary.  She had died late February without our mutual neighbor’s notice.  The news stunned me.  It made me sad —  on more than one level.  But as I began to get my roots about me, I saw how Marguerite, at least to my way of thinking, was not beyond words of gratitude at all; that I can remember Marguerite with a grateful heart, anytime I water my east garden.  And maybe even here, with these few words I’m scattering in digital space.

It’s enough, these words of mine.  I’ll spread no other about Marguerite’s passing, across the fence or anywhere else; surely the neighbors will find out when the time is ripe.

Save the Day

18 Saturday Jun 2011

Posted by Janell in Home Restoration, Life at Home, Soul Care

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Childhood Memories, Everyday God, Everyday Life, Father's Day, Parents, True Self

“Life is relationships.  Everything else is just moving furniture.”  — Sister Elizabeth Molina

My sister and aunt are coming to save the day on my living room, which for the moment, bears an uncanny likeness to “Grandma’s Attic.”  My grandmother didn’t have an attic but if she had, it might have looked like my living room.

Saying Sis will ‘save the day” sounds a bit dramatic, especially when the phrase marries the task of rearranging furniture.  But the words just slipped out on to this white digital space, so here they will stay, in spite of reminding me of all those Saturday morning cartoons of my youth — the likes of Underdog and Superman and Mighty Mouse and even Rocky and Bullwinkle, who not only saved the day but saved their cartoonish worlds from evil.

This trinity of words stops me to wonder how many people we know — either now or ever — that could easily bring to mind this phrase.  In my life, it was Mother, for one.  With Father’s Day tomorrow, I wish I could say it was Daddy, but it wasn’t.  Daddy had his place in my life but it was not saving my world.  If anything, Daddy was one in need of being saved.

No, in her way, it was Mom who saved Daddy just as she saved us all.  She saved the day for many, especially in her prime, with all her wonderful bag of tricks — sewing, painting, restoration — but mostly just by dropping everything and showing up in my life and others  to set things right with her rock steady presence.

Sometimes, of course, Mom couldn’t put things right but it didn’t keep her from trying.  Over and over again she picked up the pieces of my brother Jon’s life — picking him up at Crack Houses, picking up Jon’s low self-esteem as best she could, picking up his trail of hot checks left all over town with money borrowed from others.  Only to have the entire ‘save the day, save his life’ routine begin again — over and over in endless waves of need — until Reality hit.

The summer before she died, Mom came to realize, that no matter how hard or often she tried, she’d never really be able to save the day for Jon.  Sometimes I wonder if this played part in her readiness to quit life here, to leave Jon’s messy life to bigger hands than hers, to someone that maybe really could save Jon.  Reality’s a hard thing to swallow even for superheros; so why am I now  suddenly recalling those ancient words whispered by another in a dark garden, with a trinity of friends sleeping on the job  of keeping watch nearby?:  “Father, let this Cup pass from me — yet not my will but yours be done.”  

What a brave thing for anyone to say — to admit one’s vulnerability, to give up pride, all semblance of control and their bag of tricks, especially with an angry mob bearing down on them.  Instead, this Savior chose to trust in the goodness of an invisible Father; he chose to believe that all will be well in the end, in spite of  current evidence to the contrary.

I do miss my mother, especially when I think of how she loved me no matter what.  How she judged me not.  How she took me as I am and not as I could be.  Or should be.  Maybe I loved her most for all of these because in these ways, she bore the greatest family resemblance to one greather than her, whose sandals she was unfit to tie.

And in my life, on this day, where my living room needs saving and furniture needs to be shuffled around, Sis bears a huge resemblance to my mother and Father.  I’m so glad Sis is coming, and bringing our auntie with her, whether or not we move a single stitch of furniture.

← Older posts
Newer posts →

“Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? — every, every minute?”

-- Thornton Wilder, "Our Town"

Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts.


prev|rnd|list|next
© Janell A West and An Everyday Life, January 2009 to Current Date. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given.

Recent Posts

  • Queen of Salads
  • Sweater Weather
  • Summer Lull Salads
  • That Roman Feast
  • Remodel Redux
  • Déjà vu, Déjà Voodoo
  • One Good Egg

Artful Living

  • Fred Gonsowski Garden Home
  • Kylie M Interiors
  • Laurel Bern Interiors
  • Lee Abbamonte
  • Mid-Century Modern Remodel
  • Ripple Effects
  • The Creativity Exchange
  • The Task at Hand
  • Tongue in Cheek
  • Zen & the Art of Tightrope Walking

Family ~ Now & Then

  • Chronicling America
  • Family
  • Kyle West
  • Pieces of Reese's Life
  • Vermont Digital Newspaper Project

Food for Life!

  • Elizabeth Minchilli in Rome
  • Manger
  • Once Upon a Chef
  • The Everyday French Chef

Literary Spaces

  • A Striped Armchair
  • Dolce Bellezza
  • Lit Salad
  • Living with Literature
  • Marks in the Margin
  • So Many Books
  • The Millions

the Garden, the Garden

  • An Obsessive Neurotic Gardener
  • Potager
  • Red Dirt Ramblings

Archives

Categories

  • Far Away Places
  • Good Reads
  • Home Restoration
  • In the Garden
  • In the Kitchen
  • Life at Home
  • Mesta Park
  • Prayer
  • Soul Care
  • The Great Outdoors
  • Writing

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • an everyday life
    • Join 89 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • an everyday life
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...