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an everyday life

an everyday life

Category Archives: Prayer

A Candlelit Path

19 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Janell in Prayer, Soul Care

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Everyday God, Everyday Life, HeartPaths Spirituality Centre, Prayer, Soul Care

“Give me a candle of the Spirit, O God,
as I go down into the deep of my own being.
Show me the hidden things.
Take me down to the spring of my life,
and tell me my nature and my name.
Give me freedom to grow so that I may become my true self –
the fulfillment of the seed which you planted in me at my making.
Out of the deep, I cry unto thee, O God.”   Amen
— George Appleton

Sitting on a hard plastic chair that night, in the basement of St. Luke’s Methodist Church, I did not know that I had ‘signed up’ to uncover my true self.    I had no particular interest in that bit of fact-finding.   My purpose was much simpler:  I came to pray.  That’s all.  I came to pray and to meet people who also desired nothing more than to pray.

As with most of everyday life, we get more or less than we bargain for.  In my experience as a student at HeartPaths Spirituality Centre, I received more.   It began that first night, reciting that first printed prayer of George Appleton’s with a few others — a small community of students and two leaders — from the first of many handouts I would come to receive as a student at HeartPaths.

Every HeartPaths session begins by lighting a candle.  The lit candle symbolizes the light of God.   Candlelight shimmers soft and invites confidences.  Never is it harsh and circling like a  penetrating searchlight.   Instead, everyone and everything looks better in candlelight.

Candlelight slows life down.  When traveling by candlelight, we tread carefully.  Not every bump in the road is illuminated.  It requires us to sometimes retrace our steps for a missed turn.  Like life itself, candlelight will not clearly define answers  or destinations.  Yet, candlelight bids us forward into the darkness.  As we step in, questions previously covered by darkness grow into recognizable shapes of answers and if not destinations, that at least rest stops along the way.

I have not arrived at my destination of becoming my true self.   The prayer I recited that first night in class is not yet fully answered.  Paradoxically, the more I know about myself, the more I find there is to know.  Does anyone ever arrive at Xanadu?

Yet, with the help of prayer by candlelight, I do know myself better than I did four years ago.  I’ve uncovered both warts and beauty spots.  And in the topsy-turvy truth of life, traits I once viewed as warts I’ve since come to know as beauty spots — and yes, some of those areas I once called beauty spots I’ve found to be nothing more than worldly warts.   But here, I get ahead of myself, as I am apt to do.

Backing up to the start, I see that self-knowledge (and self-acceptance) is where true growth begins.  And as it happens, along the way, I’ve learned that prayer is no more than being yourself before God.

Fancy that.  Looks like I got exactly what I signed up for.  And more.  In worldly terms, this candlelit path was a true bargain.

Prescribed Meditations

08 Thursday Apr 2010

Posted by Janell in Prayer, Soul Care

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Daily Office, Everyday Life, Frederick Buechner, Soul Care

Blue Lobelia in Cobalt Blue

Ever so often I stumble upon truth.

I’m surprised when it happens.  Even when it comes during my normally prescribed meeting time with God.

Oh, don’t get me wrong.  I always expect truth when something of God is let loose in my life.  But it’s when truth comes veiled as a ready response to questions I’ve just posed that I grow still with shock, as if I’ve just been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

Just a few days ago, I wrote of my tendency to focus more of questions of doing.  Not being.   For “no matter how much time we devote toward self-knowledge, for now, we must be content to scratch the surface…”

What I didn’t know then, was that an answer I wasn’t looking for would come bounding into my world this morning, set loose long ago by Frederick Buechner’s pen, as it scratched out these few words on paper:

“…I believe that in sibilants life is trying to tell us something.  The trees, ghosts, dreams, faces, the waking up and eating and working of life, are trying to tell us something, to take us somewhere.  If this is above all a Christ-making universe, then the place where we are being taken is the place where the silk purse in finally made out of the sow’s ear, and the word that life is trying to speak to us is that little by little, squealing and snuffling all the way, a pig either starts turning into at least the first primal porcine version of a hero, or else is put out of his piggish misery.  At the heart of reality — who would have guessed it?– there is room for dying and being born again.”

It was Buechner’s use of the phrases “sow’s ear “and “silk purses” that first snagged my attention.  For as I acknowledged a few days ago, taking on sow’s ear projects with the hope of turning them into a proverbial silk purse has always been part of who I am.

Buechner scratchings invited me to scratch the surface of my own truth, to see that my doings, my deepest desires, reflect what I most long to become myself.  It’s not just the untended gardens or untended houses that I wish to make silk purses.  Underneath all the doings, it’s me that wishes  to become the silk purse.  I want the sow’s ear part of me to die.  And like the renewal that comes with Spring and Easter, I wish to be born again as a silk purse.

It’s ironic that today’s prescribed med, from Buechner’s Listen to Your Life, was appropriately titled:  Trying to Tell Us Something.

Life of Pi

21 Sunday Mar 2010

Posted by Janell in Good Reads, Life at Home, Prayer, Soul Care, Writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Books, Everyday Life, Soul Care

My friend Connie couldn’t stop talking about this book.

That was seven years ago.  Yet, even now, I remember how Connie’s eyes shined and how my normally articulate book-loving friend stumbled for words when attempting to describe how this story made her feel.  Maybe it was this unfamiliar stumbling that caused Connie to pick up the book a second time.

But it was Connie’s third reading that finally garnered my attention.  Connie’s action, rather than her words, became  an enthusiastic endorsement that led me to plunk down fourteen dollars to possess my own personal copy of Yann Martel’s prize-winning novel, Life of Pi.

Like most of my book purchases, I promptly gave it a home on my bookshelves, to age and gather dust like fine wine.  The intent was to read it someday —  once I had aged and the words had aged, and once I came into an age of more time and less busyness.   My hope was that when someday arrived, once this book and I came to know one another, that my eyes too would shine and my tongue would stumble for lack of words.

Of course, my someday shriveled up and died.   There are always other words to read and enough tasks to fill any day.  Had it not been for the words of another “Connie,” my someday ship would still be off at sea.  It was three weeks ago that, words written by the author of Ripple Effects, stirred me to action:  I left my writing desk, walked down the stairs, across my living room to enter my book cellar of a library.  I scanned, I found, I pulled, I dusted and carried the book upstairs to place on my nightstand, to live beside other books of more serious intentions.

I had several books in front of it — I was finishing up one novel and had required reading for my Monday night class.  So I didn’t begin the story of Pi until a week ago.  Until yesterday, I read at the slow rate of a few pages a night.  But yesterday’s surprise snowfall offered me the perfect someday to finish the story, which I did in the company of three dogs, a soft reading lamp and a few hours of the clock.

“I have a story that will make you believe in God.” So Martel begins his story — or should I say stories — because two stories grow out of book — and we the readers, get to pick which version we wish to carry with us.  Is this a story about God and a young boy, a story about impossible miracles and providence?  Or is the story a simple human tragedy with a good ending?

My husband had to come up the stairs to remind me when it was time for us to eat.  The dogs had to remind me when it was time for them to eat.  I read right through the dog’s dinner bell, which thankfully, my husband answered.  And when I finished this story, I didn’t even bother to describe its impact on me.

Like all good stories, I don’t think we really know what seeds are sown from words freshly read.  It’s only with time and reflection and space and more time that thoughts of the reader and the writer integrate — likes seeds in soil — and either something grows from the planting or it doesn’t.  Perhaps like live seed, it depends upon how much nurture the seeds receive.

Yet there are twinges of thoughts that come as one takes in the words of a great story.  Mine was that the Life of Pi could be shorthand for a life of piety, for surely, the young boy Pi is pious in the best sense of the word — as one who has a heart devoted singularly to God, as one who punctuates his daily life with prayer, who has a heart for God that even allows him to love that murderer Richard Parker.  And is it not appropriate, that Pi’s nickname represents an infinite number, since piety and matters of the heart should be a never-ending story?

I can’t say whether this is a story that will make one believe in God.  But I know it’s a great story, and that it reminds me of other great stories in another great book — stories like the one about Adam, the first zookeeper, and Noah, another zookeeper and his Ark full of animals and Job, who was not a zookeeper, but suffered enough tragedy that led him to question the reasons for life and his feelings about God.

My friend Connie was right seven years ago.  The book begs a second reading.  Someday.

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